Losing their Daddy

by Katrina
(MA)

My boyfriend of many years has been addicted to crack. I have enabled him for so long, it's like I am addicted to him and his problems. I think of myself as a strong person but when it comes to him I always think he will change or the drug use will stop.

I have covered so much up and lied for him for so many years. He would be clean for years and go right back into it like he never stopped. We have 2 children together. He is an unbelievable loving Daddy when he is sober. I even think he is the "better" parent sometimes.

Since my daughter was born 9 months ago our lives have been detroyed by his drug use starting again. Now I sit here as a "single mom" due to drugs and wonder if the pain will go away.

I don't know what to say to my 5 year old son. His Daddy told him he had to work for a few weeks while he went to rehab (again). I sit here and pray and hope that I can do everything right and give my children the life they deserve. I am so hurt and confused that I can't even think straight.

I know it is a disease and I have only enabled him, I just don't understand how you could pick drugs over your children. I am also in denial thinking I can do this on my own, I know I need counseling and a good kick in the ass...