I've Left My Meth Addicted Husband and Feel Totally Lost
My husband has battled addiction for years, and after a two year addiction to cocaine a few years back, he swore he would not become addicted to anything again.
Just last week, I found crystal meth in his truck. I asked him to leave. He's been gone 8 days now, and I am not dealing with this very well. I know I need to divorce him. I can't compete with meth.
But the pain of this is just getting the best of me. How does someone get through this? I have a hard time just getting out of bed in the mornings and going to work ... I dread each and every day. As bad as it was watching him use, it's just as bad now.
The only way I console myself is that I keep telling myself that I have to take care of me first. I have to love me first. Even though I know this is true, I'm having a very hard time. Can someone help me get through this? I feel dead inside. I even wonder if death wouldn't be better than this.
I've been married to my husband for 22 years, and he was my whole life. I just don't know how to go on without him. Please, can someone help?
The pain you're going through now is no doubt terrible, but remember it's only been 8 days, and as much as you may not want to hear it right now, time does heal all wounds.
Death is never a better option, you know that's not true. You're grieving and the incredible pain and sadness you're experiencing now is a natural part of the grieving process. So don't try fight it - the more you resist it, the worse you make it - just surrender to the grief you're going through and let it all come out, however it needs to do so.
Now is also the time to be surrounding yourself with people who love you and can support you through this. Family and friends will be there for you I'm sure and make it a little bit easier. Support groups like Nar-Anon and Al Anon might also help because there you'll no doubt meet people who have gone through what you have.
You may also want to consider finding a good Therapist who can help you with the grieving process, and possibly prescribe you a good lot of anti-depressants until you're over the initial worst period.
Just keep taking it one day at a time. Don't think too far ahead. Like you said - now you have to take care of yourself first. And as you slowly start feeling better and stronger, start making the time to discover what you enjoy doing and what makes you happy. Your life has been totally consumed by being in a relationship with an addict, and so you've no doubt totally lost yourself, and need to rediscover who you are. But that's a process and let it happen naturally and gently over time.
Books can also be a great comfort in times like these. Two brilliant books that I think will help you tremendously right now are 'The Journey' by Brandon Bays, and 'You Can Heal Your Life' by Louise Hay. Very powerful and insightful and can help you find your inner strength and voice again.
So please don't give up and never lose hope. What you're going through right now is totally okay, and will get easier. Just keep taking it one day at a time and trust that at the end of this dark tunnel, you will in time see the light again.
Peace, Love and Blessings