Husband Finally Admits to Alcoholism but Still Blames Me
Hello, I have written before regarding my husband who is an alcoholic, verbally abusive, and has a gambling addiction. I think I have finally convinced him to move out and move forward with a divorce but he continues to feel that my lack of attention to him caused these issues.
I know I am not the cause of his addictions but somehow, I feel awful. I know this is part of his manipulation and control. He has wiped us out financially and I am frightened. I am determined to move on, some how, some way. My children are a mess. I am afraid of the lasting effects of their father's problems.
I am going to try to convince them to go to counseling. I feel so depleted, used, and worn. I know their has to be some kind of hope in feeling better and that life will improve. I need someone to please tell me that I did not cause this awfulness and pain.
Nice hearing from you again and take pride in the fact that you've made a decision to take a positive step forward with your life, despite the fear and uncertainty you're feeling at the moment. That's normal.
Remember your husband's alcoholism is something you have no control over and that you in no way contributed to his illness. And
his blaming you is part of the manipulation that alcoholics are so good at playing so don't feel guilty at all. His alcoholism is entirely his responsibility and until he accepts that, he'll struggle to make a full recovery.
So what you need to do is start your own process of healing and recovery. Counseling, Al Anon and surrounding yourself with good people are great places to start. Because it won't always be easy and you'll still be faced with lots of self doubt.
But understand that that is normal and in time, as you begin to get to know yourself better, and what it is you really want/need, your life will begin to unfold in ways you can't even begin to imagine right now.
So don't let your husband's blaming distract you from your path. The best thing you can do is hope that he does manage to successfully overcome his alcoholism and bear him no ill will for all the pain he has caused you, because resentment will hurt you more than anyone.
But believe in yourself enough to know that the decision you've made is the right one, and that it's time to start focusing on your own well-being, happiness and growth. Do that and you'll be amazed at the hidden potential just waiting to come out of you.
So good luck and stay strong.