How Do You Not Let Someone Else's Alcoholism Affect Your Life?

by Deborah
(california)

My life is affected every minute by my husbands alcoholism. I work, when I leave he's passed out, when I get home he's drunk. If my car breaks down on the way home, he can't get me, he's drunk.

I had a minor stroke and went to hospital, he could not come, he was too drunk to drive. I had a major surgery and he wasn't there because he was passed out. Missed birthdays, anniversary's, everything.

I feel like there are 3 people in this marriage, in this order alcohol, him, me. How do I break the cycle so this is no longer affecting me? Divorce? I mean, what else is there? I love the man that didn't drink. Reality is I'm married to a drunk.

How and where do you start to get back who I was before all this? It is scary. Is there free counseling someplace?

Answer

Hi Deborah

The sad reality is that many marriages don't survive alcoholism because eventually you reach the point where enough is enough. You are forced to make the decision that if you want to find happiness and purpose to your life again, it's going to have to be on your own.

Rebuilding your life is never an easy thing to do, but you can do it. Just take it slowly and one step at a time. I don't know about free counseling, but something that is free and can help greatly in making sense of everything and enable you to receive wonderful support from people who understand what you're going through - is by going to Al Anon.

Al Anon is for people just like you - spouses and family members of alcoholics. If nothing else, it's a great place to go just to listen to what others have to say and to learn how they deal with the alcoholic in their lives.

So make a commitment to yourself today that you're going to rebuild your life. Slowly, patiently and without putting too much pressure on yourself. You deserve a life of happiness and if it's clear you're not going to get that in your current relationship, then you have to move on.

Consider also getting yourself a copy of Help, I Live with an Alcoholic, which could also provide you with some ideas on how to deal with the nightmare you're living through. But whatever you decide, don't do nothing. Make the promise to yourself that you're going to start afresh.

You can do this. Good Luck and God Bless.