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How Do You Not Let Someone Else's Alcoholism Affect Your Life?

by Deborah
(california)

My life is affected every minute by my husbands alcoholism. I work, when I leave he's passed out, when I get home he's drunk. If my car breaks down on the way home, he can't get me, he's drunk.

I had a minor stroke and went to hospital, he could not come, he was too drunk to drive. I had a major surgery and he wasn't there because he was passed out. Missed birthdays, anniversary's, everything.

I feel like there are 3 people in this marriage, in this order alcohol, him, me. How do I break the cycle so this is no longer affecting me? Divorce? I mean, what else is there? I love the man that didn't drink. Reality is I'm married to a drunk.

How and where do you start to get back who I was before all this? It is scary. Is there free counseling someplace?

Answer

Hi Deborah

The sad reality is that many marriages don't survive alcoholism because eventually you reach the point where enough is enough. You are forced to make the decision that if you want to find happiness and purpose to your life again, it's going to have to be on your own.

Rebuilding your life is never an easy thing to do, but you can do it. Just take it slowly and one step at a time. I don't know about free counseling, but something that is free and can help greatly in making sense of everything and enable you to receive wonderful support from people who understand what you're going through - is by going to Al Anon.

Al Anon is for people just like you - spouses and family members of alcoholics. If nothing else, it's a great place to go just to listen to what others have to say and to learn how they deal with the alcoholic in their lives.

So make a commitment to yourself today that you're going to rebuild your life. Slowly, patiently and without putting too much pressure on yourself. You deserve a life of happiness and if it's clear you're not going to get that in your current relationship, then you have to move on.

Consider also getting yourself a copy of Help, I Live with an Alcoholic, which could also provide you with some ideas on how to deal with the nightmare you're living through. But whatever you decide, don't do nothing. Make the promise to yourself that you're going to start afresh.

You can do this. Good Luck and God Bless.

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Jan 18, 2012
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Does it make me a bad person?
by: Glenn

My sister is an alcoholic, I think. She drinks a lot, all the time, and I am sure at this point she needs it so she is not sick, but I think she just self medicates.
Our Father died of cancer about 5 years ago, and our mom died of a heart attack a couple of years ago.
My sister, when talked to about her drinking, said "but I saw her" saying she was the one who saw my mom dead like that, and it really affected her.
My sister has liver damage. Her family, she is married to an alcoholic, and has 3 adult children, let her get so sick that she almost died.
She was okay out of the hospital for a while, but is drinking again. As is her husband. She lost her job, can't stand for long periods of time anymore, and has a cataract in one of her eyes.
I'm single, have a nice job paying me enough to afford a 3 bedroom 2 bath house in the burbs.
I work a lot, and am hardly ever at home, and I have offered her a vacation a couple of times. I basically told her she can come stay with me for a while, to help her get her stuff together.
I got a call from my nephew, he said that my sister is getting sick again, and that she does not look well.
Apparently, my sister has been writing checks in her husbands name, and he might go to jail because of it.
I called the police, and they had an ambulance come and check on her, but she waved them off.
Our family has a nice life. Barely. None of us makes enough to take care of someone who needs medical and mental health support.
I don't know what to do.
My sister is killing herself while her kids and husband sit around looking, and I can't afford to help without ruining mine.
I always thought of myself as someone willing to make the ultimate sacrifice for family, and here I sit, immobile, unable, unwilling.
I feel like I am not only betraying her, but have based my entire being on a lie I told myself.
God.
I avoid paralysis by not thinking of my moms death. She was the only thing in this world i loved, and this is just pulling my house of cards apart.

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