How Can I Aid My Wife in Her Recovery Due to My Alcoholism?

I checked myself into rehab a few weeks ago. My marriage is in dire straights and I want to do everything I can to aid in my wife's recovery.

There was no physical violence, just a great deal of lies about money so I could buy my beer, which was the drug of choice. I had no idea the marriage was in the state it was in. My wife kept everything inside and was able to disguise her feelings.

While I was in rehab, she fell apart and wanted to end the marriage, afraid of getting hurt again. At this point I've offered to move out and give her space. She is taking this week to think about my offer of me moving out and trying to save our marriage. I could use any advice to help me with our recovery as a family.

---

---

Answer

You've done the right thing by giving her space and allowing her to figure things out for herself - because there is no quick fix to repair the damage that was done.

The only way you can really show your wife that you're serious about changing and building a new life in recovery is not in anything you say - but everything in what you do. Your actions will show her whether you are on the right path.

The trust that's been destroyed will take a long time to repair, so don't pressure her into anything. Simply go about showing her you're a new person in the way you are and in your behaviour.

Encourage her to also go to Al Anon - so she too can have a support structure with others who understand what she's going through. Having an environment where she can also safely express herself could help her deal with this difficult period.

So be patient and make sure you also stay focused on your own recovery. Your sobriety is paramount to everything else working out in your life - and then simply trust that everything will work out as its meant to.

Best of Luck

+1 Alcoholism-and-Drug-Addiction-Help.com