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How Can I Aid My Wife in Her Recovery Due to My Alcoholism?

I checked myself into rehab a few weeks ago. My marriage is in dire straights and I want to do everything I can to aid in my wife's recovery.

There was no physical violence, just a great deal of lies about money so I could buy my beer, which was the drug of choice. I had no idea the marriage was in the state it was in. My wife kept everything inside and was able to disguise her feelings.

While I was in rehab, she fell apart and wanted to end the marriage, afraid of getting hurt again. At this point I've offered to move out and give her space. She is taking this week to think about my offer of me moving out and trying to save our marriage. I could use any advice to help me with our recovery as a family.

Answer

You've done the right thing by giving her space and allowing her to figure things out for herself - because there is no quick fix to repair the damage that was done.

The only way you can really show your wife that you're serious about changing and building a new life in recovery is not in anything you say - but everything in what you do. Your actions will show her whether you are on the right path.

The trust that's been destroyed will take a long time to repair, so don't pressure her into anything. Simply go about showing her you're a new person in the way you are and in your behaviour.

Encourage her to also go to Al Anon - so she too can have a support structure with others who understand what she's going through. Having an environment where she can also safely express herself could help her deal with this difficult period.

So be patient and make sure you also stay focused on your own recovery. Your sobriety is paramount to everything else working out in your life - and then simply trust that everything will work out as its meant to.

Best of Luck

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I am the one who has had the problem
by: Tony

My development of the alcoholic problem was and still is not violent. It however has caused me to potentially lose my wife. She says she is done and I am very upset. There are honestly reasons that I chose that path. None good enough though. The reason I say this is because there is not a good enough reason to ruin my life and more so, the ones I love.
I want to get better. I have only 5 days straight but have been attending AA almost every day. I have noticed that this issue doesnt choose any certain "type" of person. It will take ahold of anyone that lets it. Unless someone fights this problem, its hard to explain. My wife cannot understand why someone cant just stop. If only it was that easy!
I am hopeful that I can save my marriage with faith in God and hard work. Right now she has a wall so high, I am afraid I may not be able to knock it down. If anyone can give me advice as to how to salvage my marriage I would deeply appreciate it. I am very scared.

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Hope
by: Escher

I can't speak for your wife.
Let me tell you about my situation.
My husband is an alcoholic. I am waiting for him to make the decision to go to detox then rehab.
The one thing I want most, that would go a long way to patch things up, is just the aknowledgement of the things he has said to me and called me. There have been some close calls physically, but he has not hit me. He has called me names and the next day denies it.
I hope this helps you.
I hope that you have a long, healthy, happy life.
Goog luck.

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