Grown Children Living With Me Addicted to Drugs - HELP!?

by Janet

I am 66 and living on Social Security. My son 35 and daughter 38 live with me. They are both drug addicts. My daughter is getting 140mgs methadone from the state + she take 1.0 mgs xanax too.

Also heard she was on other things. No rehab will take her till she comes down to 80mgs methadone.(of course the clinic will not talk to me)... I know she will not wake up one day.

She lived on the streets for years, can't work or hold a job. My son 35 was on suboxone, quit and has hocked everything he owns, plus I am finding things missing. He will not work, always telling me "He's trying"...

They have no credit to rent an apartment or have a car. If I co-sign I have to pay. I have tried everything. I live on $1700.00 a month and going broke feeding them and trying to keep bills paid. Of course no money for rehab that cost $30,000 a month. I am so sad.

Answer

Hi Janet

Sounds like you're giving your children a free ride and making it far too easy for them to sustain their habits.

I know you love your children, but they're taking full advantage of your kindness, and in doing so you're inadvertently enabling their behaviour.

You need to make it clear to them if they want to continue using drugs - they do so on their own time, in their own place, at their own cost. Until an addict really begins to experience the consequences of their drug using - they have no motive or incentive to want to change their behaviour. So by you insisting it's time they begin to fend for themselves you might actually give them that.

Now I know you don't want to see your daughter back on the streets potentially, but as a parent you have to learn to let go ... as painful as that may be at times.

I think its time you set your children an ultimatum - if they want to continue living with you - they have to get clean (not all rehabs are $30000) and then they have to start contributing financially. No 'ifs' and 'buts.' Set a deadline. But things can't continue as they are. They have to learn to help themselves because you've done everything you can.

And if you end up having to kick them out, know that you've done everything you can, and that the only hope they ever have of changing is by them coming to the realisation that they are responsible for making it happen. Remember you didn't cause their addiction ... you can't control ... nor can you cure it.

It's time for you to take your life back by not allowing your children to dominate it any longer.

Best of Luck and Be Strong