End of the Rope: How My Husband's Addiction Is Ruining our Marriage
We met working in a bar/restaurant together and if anyone's had any experience with that, well servers and bartenders are generally a young, partying bunch.
I smoked my fair share and drank a bit, but that lifestyle got old quickly and I wanted to go back to school. He worked hard, was funny and confident and we started dating after knowing each other a good while.
Before you know it, we packed a U-Haul and moved across several states after I got into law school. We lived together. He worked hard. I worked hard finishing school and passing the bar exam and then we got married.
Here we are almost 12 years later and I've been living with the trials and tribulations of alcoholism and cocaine addiction for a solid 3 years and I'm at the end of my rope.
He just relapsed again and this makes 4 institutional attempts at rehab. I've had counseling; he's had counseling; we've had counseling.
He was fired from his last "real" job in Fall, 2006 (it's April, 2009 now) and hasn't worked much at all since. He's ran up thousands in credit card debt. I haven't paid on my 90K plus in student loans because I can't afford it.
I've taken him off the checking account and savings account and am paying every bill. Meanwhile he's not working, doesn't seem to have any interest in finding a job and enjoys free rent, insurance, utilities, cell phone, gas for his car blah blah blah.
Because he has no job and (finally) no access to the checking/savings accounts, now he's taking cash advances on his credit card. I cut it up but I suppose he can always get another one.
So here we are and I've had it. I've tried everything. I know I can't control him or cure him and I didn't cause this. I love him. I love his family. My family loves his family. It would be awful to divorce - when isn't it?
I think the last thing we haven't tried is separation and him going into a sober living facility. He has to become an individual again as I think of him as a shell of his former self.
I meet with him and his rehab counselors later this week and I think I'm going to say he can't come home. I think he should try sober living for a while and let me know how he's doing in 3 months or so. It's about the last arrow in my quiver and I might as well use it. Wish me luck.