Drug Addicted Manipulative, Angry and Bitter Sisters

by Leesa
(Florida)

I don't know where to begin, but I need help in what to do with my sisters. Both of them are almost 50 years old and still live with my 77 year old mother. One sister has Chrohn's disease and the other a bad back and depression and as a result both have been addicted to Oxycontin for about 10 years now.

They both hate me (as I have a life ... husband, 2 kids, dog, house). My mother has been an enabler for years and continues to support their habit and all their finances. (One sister has an appartment she never lives in!) They do not have any friends or family members they talk to as they have had issues with everyone in their life and cut them off.

They have been trying to cut me off for years but now I have been e-mailed that I am a horrible bad person for not being a good sister or friend (total lies ... they just ignore and push away and try to make up drama to cause trouble) and do not contact again ... and this is after I just tried to help in another situation that never goes their way.

Basically one (bad back) takes care of the other (Chrohn's) and all that codependent crap! They both live in the past ... have not grown past being children! More to the story...but need to find help somewhere. My dad passed away in March, but this has been ongoing and I just have no family left ...

Answer

Hi Leesa

You do have a family - your husband and kids. And if your biological family, your sisters, can't grow up and take responsibility for their lives, then there really isn't much you can do.

We can't force others to change, so rather than fight against something that is unlikely to yield results, you're better off making peace with the fact that this (addiction, codependence etc.) is a life they've chosen for themselves - and therefore involve yourself in their lives as little as possible.

If they want to create drama and be manipulative you can't really stop them - it's something almost all drug addicts are particularly good at - but you can choose to ignore their message and avoid communicating/spending time with them. Biological/family relationships are no different really to any other relationships - you work at them and make an effort if you want to make a success of them.

So if all they end up being is destructive, then like with any relationship, you can also choose to walk away. Don't get involved in their games because you'll never win. You have a husband and children far more deserving of your time and energy. As much as we want to help people we care about - eventually we reach the point where we have to accept that we can't help people who don't want to be helped and are not prepared to help themselves.

Take Care