Does My Boyfriend Have a Drinking Problem?

I have been dating my boyfriend for 9 months although we've known each other for 3 years. We do enjoy going out with friends and having a good time and yes occasionally get pretty drunk together. However, I feel like I don't make it an importance in my life and I do not change as a person.

He is either extremely nice or extremely mean. Being confrontational and just blaming me for everything. He doesn't drink every day but when he does drink which is about 3 times a week it's over the top DRUNK. I feel like he puts drinking first sometimes and will be mean to me on purpose which in turn makes me feel as if I am of no value to him.

I have read that when drinking starts to reflect problems in your relationships that it's a drinking problem. Please help, I've tried talking to him about it but he turns around and says I'm a hypocrite because I like to drink too. which again, I go out once a week and don't get drunk every time I go out with friends.

Alcoholism-and-Drug-Addiction-Help.com Answer

If your boyfriend always drinks to excess when he drinks alcohol, i.e. gets drunk, and shows no ability to control his drinking once he starts, it often is a sign of a drinking problem. And when a pattern like you describe begins to develop, which in turn causes problems in areas like your relationship, you are right to be concerned.

The problem you face is that unless your boyfriend sees his drinking as a problem and wants to do something about it, little is likely to change. Yes you can try talk to him and try get through to him that things need to change, especially if he's serious about your relationship, but if he doesn't really want to, what then?

You need to understand that we can't control or force other people to change if they don't really want to. So if you are unable to get through to your boyfriend, at some point you're going to have to make a call - do I stay in a relationship where I'm not really being valued and my needs aren't being met? ... or do I make the decision to move on and start over because I want more from a relationship than I'm currently getting?

There is no easy way out or quick fix to this. Try talking to your boyfriend and maybe initiate things you two can do which don't involve partying/alcohol, but if in time nothing changes, you're going to have to make a decision as to whether your relationship has a future.

Take Care and Good Luck

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