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Dating an Alcoholic

by Cathy S
(Illinois)

What you have, lots of bars, parties, eating dinner in a restaurant and sitting at the bar instead of a table because he’s more at home there.


Goals and dreams are only to the extent of what is happening the next weekend ...

St. Patrick’s Day and Fourth of July Parades turn into a drink fest at 10:00am in the morning and the rest of the day goes down from there.

Thanksgiving and Christmas can’t be celebrated without wine, even if he’s the only one drinking it.

Where ever you go you have to drive because he doesn’t have a driver’s license. Vacation days are reserved for the days following Holidays so he can sleep it off the next day.

Heart to Heart talks are forgotten the next day, sometimes the whole phone call is. There is nothing that makes me cry more than him saying “did I talk to you last night”.

Talking in the morning to the man you love, talking after work to a 12 year old adolescent who thinks everything is a funny joke.

Having heart surgery, and he asks you if you will still be able to go to the Super Bowl Party, in 3 days.

Not being able to come and see you because he doesn’t drive, but always able to get a ride or take a cab to the bar.

So, why am I crying now that I asked him not to be a part of my life anymore?

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Aug 27, 2012
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Re: Scott
by: Anonymous

Thank you Scott for your words. I have been broken up with him for 7 months now and I'm still crying over him. He has moved on with someone else now and he still doesn't think he has a problem. I'm so happy for you that you did.

Cathy

Aug 27, 2012
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powerless
by: Scott

I am an alcoholic. It takes a lot of work to get over your addiction. Your story sounds like I was to people I cared about. Your boyfriend has to make up his mind to not drink, no one can do it for him, and it is impossible to cut him off from drinking. You could try an intervention, but it still is up to him to weigh out what's more important. A lot of addicts go with the drink instead of loved ones if they don't see the importance of sobering up. I really wish you the best, and hang in there.

Apr 17, 2012
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Thank you!
by: Cathy

Thank you for your words of support Kat, They really helped. You're right in my mind I still don't feel happy about saying goodbye and I miss the Sober person that I knew. With your words it does help to keep things in perspective. Thank you again.

Apr 17, 2012
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Hi,
by: Kat

Hi,
I have shared a story on here about my life with an alcoholic and many of the things you said struck a chord with me and brought back memories that were soon forgotten as things got worse.

On a forum I once posted when I knew I was getting close to leaving my Ex, how could someone leave someone who clearly needed help all alone?, the answer from a man was that it was ME who would always be alone as long as my partner at the time chose the bottle.

I spent many hours crying and came to realise one day that the tears where for what we never had, for the relationship that could have been had he not been a alcoholic.

It is hard, because you're leaving a THING not the person. You're breaking up with alcoholism not the person who is the alcoholic. You're grieving.

Things will get better, but you may not always understand your feelings. You have done what is right for yourself and it is you you need to think about. You can't make choices about someone else who's first choice as long as he or she drinks will never be you (or themselves).

I'm sending you lots of love, and just know there are people out there who understand.

You are stronger than you think and you deserve to have a life and be happy.

Mar 17, 2012
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I understand
by: Linda

For the same reason that I cry that mine doesn't love me and never did. For the same reason that even though I didn't want to be a part of him anymore it still hurt when he dumped me. Because you love them but you want to love yourself too. Unfortunately loving yourself requires that you let them go, but it still hurts. Rest assured that the pain eases and gets less and less the more you fill your heart with love for yourself. You do him more good by loving yourself and getting healthy than by enabling him to stay sick. You can't make him change but maybe if he has to face consequences for his behavior he will want to make the move himself. Either way you have every right to take care of you. You will heal, the pain will ease, the tears will dry up but give yourself time. Also know that others understand and are there for you. Love you Cathy.

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