What to Do About My Boyfriend's Alcoholism?

by Rachel
(US)

I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. We live together and I take care of his son 24/7. He drinks every day and I'm sick of it. What do I do? I want to marry him but not like this ...

Answer

Hi Rachel

Understand that you are powerless over your boyfriend's addiction and that until he decides for himself that he's ready to turn his life around, nothing you say or do will likely get through to him.

One thing that can potentially work and get him the professional help he needs, is enlisting the help of an alcoholism intervention specialist. The idea behind an intervention is to confront your boyfriend about his drinking in a pre-planned and thought-out manner (ideally with other family members as well) - and insist that unless he goes for treatment, there will be severe consequences, e.g. you'll leave him.

It's important you get a professional to help you with this, because you only get one chance at doing it properly. An intervention has been shown to be a very effective method of getting someone you care about into treatment, but what happens after that is entirely up to them, because their success in achieving sobriety is entirely dependent on how hard they work at it and the commitment they show to turning their life around.

The sad and unfortunate reality of having someone you love suffering from an addiction, is that there isn't really a heck of a lot you can do. They have to want to change for themselves. Taking a firm stance with your boyfriend and performing an intervention may give him the fright he needs to agree to getting help and then turning his life around, but there are no guarantees.

So you need to decide what you want from your life and what will make you happy, irrespective of what your boyfriend ends up doing. We are all responsible for our own lives and happiness, and no one can take that away from us unless we let them.

Good Luck and I hope it does work out for the best in the end.