What is "Recovery" for Someone who Recently Became an Alcoholic after their Husband Killed Himself?

by Jon
(Pittsburgh)

My friend is 50. Her husband killed himself unexpectedly two years ago. She has had moderately severe binge and maintenance drinking since then, but has now recognized this as a problem. She didn't drink to excess previous to her husband's death. Now she swears she will never drink to excess again, but feels that occasional alcohol at parties, celebrations, nights out, etc, is acceptable.

Is this a good plan? Can this be successful? She is not a lifelong alcoholic, so does she really need to undergo complete abstinence? She is also not interested in AA or similar organizations.

Answer

Hi Jon

Occasional problem drinking doesn't necessarily equate to alcoholism or a serious problem with alcohol. Like your friend, many people go through a rough patch, and as a result drink to excess, but once that passes manage to get their lives and drinking back under control.

The test now for your friend is whether she can in fact control her drinking like she says she plans to. If she can stop after a couple of drinks, without it being an issue for her, then that's fine. For people with a serious problem or fully developed alcoholism ... the saying that 'one is too many and a hundred not enough' holds true, because once you start, you can't stop or control your drinking like 'normal' drinkers can.

So keep an eye on your friend and see if she can indeed manage to control her drinking and drink responsibly when she does. If you find she can't, then yes, a proper alcohol treatment and recovery program will be necessary.

Loss of control and dependence (physical and/or emotional) are generally regarded as the two main signs of alcoholism. So those are the things you want to keep an eye out for. Considering what your friend has been through, abusing alcohol as part of her grieving process isn't that unusual. As long as she manages to regain control of her drinking, then I'm sure all will be fine.

All the best to the both of you.