Still Trying to Figure Out If He Has An Alcohol Problem: A Wife's Story

by Monica
(Ottawa, Ontario)

Hi. My name is Monica. I am 27 years old. I am an addict. Not an active addict but an addict non the less. I am 8 years clean. I did cocaine, Ecstasy and I binge drank every weekend. I did things I wasn't proud of and hit my bottom. I also worked my way up.

When I met my husband almost 8 years ago, I was fresh out of rehab. He was supportive of me and our relationship blossomed quite quickly. He was amazing and because of his support I was able to over come the drug use and change my life style. For this I am forever grateful to him.

See Mathew has an energy about him. He is one to make people laugh and he can be quite personable. When he smiles, he is really handsome. And I don't want to forget the way he treats my girls. He can be the worlds best dad at times.

Then there is the uglier side of Mathew. The side I have come to hate. He can get angry. He yells, he gets frustrated, and he takes out his aggressions and stress of work on his family. Not every day, but when he has a bad day like any other person in the world. And then he drinks.

It began about 6 years ago, maybe a little less. His friends from work had a hard habit of being on the bottle. Mathew would drink nightly at our house, barbecuing and having beer in the back yard. The boys would clear 24 a night and it was something we'd laugh about. The end of the night usually resulted in him falling asleep, but that used to bug me. I wanted quality time with my husband. I admit our social drinks got a little out of hand some nights.

I understand I am being an enabler while drinking with him. But I want to set one thing straight. Since rehab I don't drink often. Sometimes a few times a month due to social events. But if Mathew had a choice it would be every night.

He can say it until he is blue in the face, he would like to have 1 or 2 to relax after work. But eventually he has 3 or 4 and gets drunk. And now lets talk about Matt while he's drunk. He has a classic Dr Jekyll Mr Hyde complex. Like I said he can be very pleasurable to be around. When he is drunk he is the meanest person I have ever met.

Everything makes him angry. There is no one particular trigger. He has gotten physical several times in the last year, once hitting a very good friend of his. And here I am left to pick up the pieces. I tried to explain to him what is in my heart and how I feel. I feel he has a problem with Alcohol.

I have no support because no one I speak to really understand what is happening inside of my heart. I am, torn 2 ways. I love him to death, and I want to be happy and I hate who he is when he is drunk.