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Step Sons Addiction Ruining His Father and My Marriage

by Marilyn
(oklahoma)

We have been married for 10 years, and for about 8 maybe 9, my stepson has controlled our lives, he is now 28 years old. He has had dui, multiple drug charges, can't keep a job, and is the greatest at getting his parents and me once upon a time to give him money.

He goes from house to house to house. He manipulates and controls everything, More money has been spent on this kid, Or I should say "Man" cell phones, minutes for it, food rent, cars, radios, fines lawyer fees, I have sacraficed about 5 anniversaries that my husband has had to cancel so he could help with him, On and On.

Everytime he cons them into believing he's better. My husband will take his son's word over mine. My husband left him at our house one day. I went into our garage and there were his needles and drugs where he shot up and he was on the floor in the living room. Called dad he came home, and he actually wanted him to stay with us again.

I wasn't going to be left with this at my house. They don't have the money to put him in rehab, don't think he would go. Now, he is on a new kick he wants to get baptised, Believe me, this came after his mother kicked him out and he had no where to go. Except here of course ... Dad buys him a new cell phone, and everything is rosey.

Please forgive me if you think I know if his claim to want to be baptized is real. He has already put it off a week, and today I saw him high. I'm a christian and feel that I'm betraying my husband if I raise another stink about this stuff. I see it on the wall. It's crazy and my husband is now hiding the fact he is giving him money and phones etc.

Where can I get help before I leave my marriage over my 28 year old step son who controls every aspect of our lives? And my husband thinks I'm asking him to choose ...

Answer



Hi Marilyn

Drugs addicts, as witnessed in your step son's behavior, are classic manipulators and will do anything and everything to protect their addiction, as your step son is so cleverly doing in manipulating your husband.

The problem this creates - because your step son is constantly being bailed out by being provided money, a place to stay, and practially whatever he asks for by the sounds of it - all your husband is doing, is actually enabling his behavior because he never has to experience the severe consequences and harsh reality of his drug using. Daddy is always there to provide.

So until your husband sees the light and begins to toughen his approach, your step-son will simply continue as is and milk the situation for all its worth. And unfortunately all this does is perpetuates his cycle of addiction because he knows your husband will always be there to fall back on.

I suggest you take your husband to see someone like an Addictions Counselor who will be able to explain this all to him, and hopefully make him realise that until he toughens his approach and stops enabling your step-sons behavior, your step-son will continue his life of addiction because there is basically no motivation for him to quit.

Addicts usually come around and realise they need help when things get really bad for them and they've reached rock bottom - something your step-son is unlikely to ever reach with Dad supporting him. If Dad cuts off the supplies, your step-son will quickly start to realise how harsh and tough a life of addiction really is, and that's your best chance of him ever getting to the point where he's ready to turn his life around.

So try and get a third party expert in to explain this to your husband, and in doing so it may help him realise that a tough love approach is actually the best way to ultimately save his son from a life of addiction.

God Bless and Good Luck



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Step Sons Addiction Ruining His Father and My Marriage

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Jan 15, 2013
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Stepson is causing me to rethink my marriage
by: Anonymous

Hi all, i hope in an attempt to get an opinion here which will guide me into not feeling guilty for doing the right thing. I have now been married close to three years. When i married my partner she just came out of a 19 year relationship where her son was the major cause of the break up as well.She is the dearest person and too soft at times. Her son has been a drug addict for many years, he is now 26. He has 2 children which the had unplanned. I love those children and my partner. Up to about a year ago his mother kept helping him out, bailing him from jail to jail. Helping him fund his habit until i came along and stopped it. I am the bread winner at home and felt that i have two children of my own to raise so financialy could not afford to help anymore either way.After numerous arguements my partner asked me if the last attemp she can do is put her son in a rehab. We did it. And he was thrown out of rehab 4 weeks later. He has been nothing but trouble. He was the cause of his mothers stroke prior to me meeting her. She used to steal from her partner she was with for 19 years in order to help her son and grand child
I understand the children is innocent in all of this and do feel sorry and pity for them. He claims that he is now of the drugs which i dont think but his mother always have some kind of hope just to everytime get dissapointed again. Its so painfull to sit back and see how he slowly destroying his mother, swearing her treating her the way he does after everything she did for him, his child and his childs mother.Now in the meantime they had another child, and are now running away from the police as their is a warrant of arrest issued against the mom and dad for theft. They refuse to give the kids to the moms sister and expect us to raise the kids. I cannot emotionally and financially do this. I have made that clear right from the start of our relationship and now we are afecd with the prospect of the arrest to follow and getting a call from the police saying we should fetch the kids. I cannot do this but she feels that its her duty as a granny to do this, and allowing them to go to social welfare she will not do as her son then will never have access to the kids again until they can prove that they can support the kids. I am about to give up on my marriage as its clear that i am no longer the first priority now. I have to live the consequences of somebody elses actions. I have to make a choice to either walk away from the person i love so much becuase of her son, or to raise another 2 children. Any comments please?

Feb 16, 2011
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Tragedy
by: Anonymous

Update divorced last year and Step son died also from over dose. What a crippling thing for our family. Hope to use this to help others.

Feb 16, 2011
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Step Son
by: Anonymous

I have some of the same problems with my step son that you have. I wish that I had answers for both of us. I had to get a restraining order against him to keep him from stealing from us. He often talks about God to convince people of how good he is but there is no substance behind his empty words. My husbands mother continues to let my step son stay with her and gives him money which he turns around and buys drugs with. We have tried repeatedly to get her to stop funding his drug habit but she will not listen. I am so sick of the lies, stealing and denial I don't want to talk to any of them anymore.

Mar 11, 2010
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bLINDERS
by: Anonymous

Iknow he needs to have blinkers removed. Pride is the main block. Their family think they have to help keep him alive and provide so he doesn't get in more trouble. I sit back in amazement. I'm considered the one who is just after him at all times. Believe me I've tried to help also, I've had addiction issues in my past. I know him real well. But, I'm the enemy. It's the craziest thing I've ever seen. Ten years, he has left the son with me at home , where he has shot up and passed out in living rm , He doesaln't do anything at our house, sits in chair all day long. I have lefted several times, believe me I know I don't have to put up with this, As a christian is hard walking this out right, with my own issues. ThanksbLI

Mar 10, 2010
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Blinkers Removed
by: Anonymous

Your husband needs to have his blinkers removed and catch a wake up as to what's really going on. Do as suggested and have him speak to an addictions specialist so that the wool can hopefully be lifted from his eyes. Because he's not actually helping his son at all ... his enabling behaviour is simply keeping his son stuck in a cycle of addiction.

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