Some Thoughts So Far On Attempting to Achieve Sobriety

This is my first attempt at this. I started drinking as a teen at times when I was with a boyfriend (who was older) and his friends. I used it to fit in socially like many teens. Then in my late twenties I used wine every night as my tension release.

I did start to hear that little voice in my head that was warning me, asking me if this was becoming too much of a regular thing. I sought some people's advice, but what I did not realize is that they too had some very regular habits when it came to alcohol.

So their response to me was tainted by their uneasiness or hesitation to self reflect about their habits ... so here I am in my late thirties struggling for over the last year to quit, realizing I want a different kind of life.

Over the past 14 months or so I have had two very successful bouts of sobriety. My first month in I had stopped drinking and feeling really ok about it. Then I got stupid. I thought since I was so successful and did not have cravings that I could once again become a social drinker ... the next time, not too long after, I lasted over 60 days, but again thought I could handle having one glass.

While I did at the time, it quickly returned to the monster in my head who always wants three or more. So I am here again, but I do not yet have the same resolve as I did with those other two successful, albeit temporary, bouts of sobriety.

Maybe it is supposed to feel different at this stage, unsure. It would be extremely helpful to have the mindset I had before because I was MUCH better at avoiding triggers and warding off cravings.