Should I Leave My Alcoholic Husband?

by casondra
(Jay,ok U.S.)

When my husband drinks he cheats on me, calls me bad names, picks fights with me, hits me sometimes. The problem is I love him - not what he does. He is the best person when he is not drinking. He says he will always change but never does - even lied to me about changing. I thought he wasn't drinking in three months but I found out that was another lie. What do I do?

Alcoholism-and-Drug-Addiction-Help.com Answer

Hi Casondra

Nobody can make that decision for you, but you have to be realistic as to whether anything will ever change. And especially when there is any form of abuse present, by not taking a stand against your husband's alcoholism (i.e. giving him an ultimatum), all you're doing is enabling his addiction further.

It is hard when you love somebody, but your husband's drinking doesn't justify his behavior. Mental and physical abuse are under no circumstances acceptable. They're nothing more than cowardly acts, and being drunk doesn't excuse them.

So you really need to ask yourself if this is the kind of relationship you want for yourself, and what your life would be like in 5/10 years time if nothing changes? The foundations of a successful marriage are love, trust and mutual-respect. And from what you say, none of those qualities are really present - because people don't cheat, lie and abuse their wives if they are.

Try get yourself Help Me! I'm In Love With An Addict: How to Survive a Relationship With an Alcoholic or Drug Addict because there is a lot of information in there that can really help you. You should also consider going for counseling/therapy to start your own healing process and possibly examine why you continue with a relationship that is largely toxic.

What you're going through is one of the hardest things imaginable. Things don't have to be this way. There is lots of help available because you do deserve real love and happiness. No one can tell you what to do, but be honest with yourself, and whether this is really a life you want for yourself.

God Bless and Good Luck

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