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Paula's Story: I Feel Like I Could Lose Everything Because Of My Drinking

by Paula
(Ireland)

I am a 32 year old mature student studying nursing, have a fabulous 5 year old daughter, a wonderful boyfriend and home that we share together.

However, I drink so much wine that I'm sure I have a problem, because I know it is killing me, destroying my life, and yet continue the behaviour.

I could drink up to 2 bottles of wine if I am not working the next day, and average about 8 bottles a week I would imagine.

But the effects the next day are horrendous, I end up hating myself, for inflicting the awful effects of a hangover and guilt, of not being a full mother to my child.

I shudder to think of anything serious happening to me, and her being left in life without her mother. The organs of my body must be effected by this, especially when I smoke like a chimney when drunk.

The next day I eat very badly, eating junk food just ease the hangover, and do absolutely no exercise despite my good intentions. My health is being destroyed, and it is etched all over my body and face.

Can I tackle this thing by myself? I would be mortified to talk to anyone, and couldn't bear sitting with a group of people talking about my problem to strangers. It just puts me off so much. Is there away I can help myself, by myself? I really hope so.

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2 years since my post.....
by: Paula

\dear c-p and annonymous,

I just thought I'd revisit this and let you know that I have not had a drink in 6 months. I eventually got the courage to walk into my 1st AA meeting 6 months ago and it is the best thing I have ever and will ever do in my entire life. For me, it worked quickly, and have no compulsion or desire to drink. I realise it is a journey for life with it's ups and downs, but it is my life, all mine, and no drink can take it away from me. I dread the thoughts of ever going back to my drinking ways.
AA works for me, as tough as it is, it's giving me a life without alcohol.

Thanks and take care x

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This is where it leads
by: Anonymous

I was a functioning alchoholic similar to yourself. I was in your position or very similar at your age. I am now 42 I have not had a license or a job for four years now, my bank account is empty and I am deeply depressed and totally isolated. I am also not a group person, in fact speaking publicly is impossible for me as I begin shaking and twitching so I dont do AA. I can tell you that if you are planning to continue that the problems you think you have now will multiply tenfold, and much more rapidly than you might imagine. You seem to not quite grasp how serious the problem is so I will just tell you it is only dumb luck that I am still alive. I think you should take a hard look at the issue now and not have whats happened to me happen to you. I dont have an answer but I can tell you my story I hope it helps.

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Talk to Someone
by: C-P

Hi Paula

I remember the feeling - the idea of talking to strangers about what I was going through scared me to death. Having said that though - once you do it - it's not as bad as you think.

Fact is Paula - you need help. And sure - you may be able to beat it by yourself - but it's a million times harder doing it that way. If you don't want to try AA or go to a treatment center - at least speak to an Addictions Counsellor.

Remember - this isn't just about you. You have a child. So that means there's a lot more at stake - and so you might have to be prepared to accept your fears - and get help despite the fears.

There is no shame in admitting to a problem with alcohol. It's only how you perceive it in your mind. It takes courage to admit to a problem. At the very least, start seeing a Counsellor, but I would suggest getting more intensive treatment too.

Also look into the tools I talk about here:

https://www.alcoholism-and-drug-addiction-help.com/addiction-recovery.html

I have yet seen anything help people more effectively than these in overcoming addiction.

You can do this!

Let me know how you get on.

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