Our Son is Using and Selling Drugs: Want to Help But He Won't Talk to Us

by Jo
(Edmonton, Canada)

My son went to visit friends and never called or came home. We got in touch with him and he was so casual talking and asked us what was wrong. I told him his brothers were here to see him. He said oh well. We told him to come home. He didn't show up.

I got into his facebook page and this is where I learned that he has sold drugs and he is on "E". I have told him that we knew what he was doing and it is ok but let us try to help him. I said we don't hurt, we help. He just hung up on me. I have tried to get in touch with him to get him to talk to us and he won't talk. All we want to do is to help.

I don't want that knock on the door from the police. We have learned that the boys that he is hanging out with is gangster type. He is 18 and can be on his own but we are scared to death. Should we just leave him alone or keep trying to get him to talk to us. I think if we stop trying he will think we don't care and we do. How do I get him back?

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Alcoholism-and-Drug-Addiction-Help.com Answer

Hi Jo

The sad reality is that if your son doesn't want to be helped, there is very little you can do. It doesn't mean you shouldn't try, but understand that until your son recognises and feels he has a drug problem, there isn't a lot anyone can say or do that will make much of a difference.

So if your son doesn't want to talk to you, don't take it personally. He is old enough now to make his own decisions, but will also have to be prepared to live with the consequences that come with them. That's why most people who use and abuse drugs only tend to quit and change their lives, once the consequences of their using catch up with them and make life difficult or unbearable.

That's why if a knock on the door ever came from the police because your son's drug use/dealing got him into trouble, it's important you don't intervene and try rescue him. Because the only way he'll ever learn is from his mistakes and understanding that with poor choices, come unpleasant consequences.

You did the right thing when trying to contact your son - not apportioning blame and making it clear you're there for him and want to help him. So keep on using that approach and hopefully with a bit of persistence he'll be prepared to listen.

But there is only so much you can do and if your son ultimately doesn't want to listen and take his drug use seriously, you'll have to learn how to let go and make peace with the fact that your son is responsible for the choices he makes and his destiny is in his hands.

Best of Luck

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