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My Son is Out of Control Due to His Drug and Alcohol Addiction. What Do I Do?

by Carole
(UK)

My son is 19 and for the last seven or eight years life has just been a continuous nightmare. He has periods where he doesn't drink or do drugs for a while, but so far this year: He has been stabbed, stole money frequently including my bank card, stole my car (he doesn't even have a licence), and was beaten half to death (he suffered a fractured skull, 35 stitches to his face, two broken jaws and several broken teeth).

When will he wake up? I received a phone call in the middle of the night last night to inform me that he had been stabbed again. He is horrible when he is drunk or on drugs - he is violent, damages my home, threatens me all the time, my daughter and granddaughter live with me and they are terrified of him. I am too if I tell the truth, he lies constantly.

Answer

Hi Carole

Firstly you need to make peace with the fact that you are powerless over the choices your son makes, even though they are totally destructive and literally killing him. No one can say when/if he will wake up - you can only hope that one day a switch in his mind goes off that will help him realise what he's doing and motivate him to want to change.

In the meantime you have to do everything in your power to protect the rest of your family. His threatening intimidatory behavior are NOT under any circumstances acceptable, even if they are because of his addiction. So you have to take a tough love approach and kick him out, and not let him inside your home - at least not until he's received help for his addictions and turned his life around.

Do everything you can to get your son professional help in the form of drug and alcoholism addiction treatment. There must be NHS programs in the UK that deal specifically with addictions and that can help your son.

But ultimately it's up to him and his desire to want to change/turn his life around. And if he's not prepared to do that, realise there is nothing more you can do. You daughter and granddaughter are entitled to a safe environment and if he threatens that, then you need to involve the police/authorities.

Best of Luck and God Bless

Comments for My Son is Out of Control Due to His Drug and Alcohol Addiction. What Do I Do?

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Jun 01, 2011
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My son
by: Anonymous

I really understand what your going through! My son is 19 soon and has caused me so much up-set I wouldn't even know where to being!
He was trown out of school several times and put on a placement which he very quickly ruined by stealing from an employee. I have had to pick up the peices so many times. He has stolen from every member of the family, normally to feed his weed addiction, sold all of his lovely posessions, including nice clothes. He has stolen my bank card and used it while I slept, stolen christmas presents etc. This soon progressed to telling people he owed money to that I was dying so they might let him off. He has had councilling, doctors appointments no end. He had LOVE and HATE permanently tattooed across his knuckles!
I could go on for a very long time and write this with tears of despare, he was recently sentenced to prison and as a last desperate attempt to help him, all of the family gathered together and completly re-vamped his flat (he had been on the run, homeless, fliting from house to house depending who was after him at the time) then was given this flat. We spent many many hours doing this and on his release he was a very happy person. one month down the line, he called me (last sunday) to say Samarlians have taken over his flat to deal drugs and if he didn't comply they were going to kill him!! he then fled to stay at a relatives house and has now broken probation, I have suggested the police get involved and he just screams saying this will make things worse. He told me today they have left his flat now but are watching it! What on earth has he really done this time! Why would someone want to live this koi==ind of exsistence? My poor Daughter says she hates seeing both her mother and father so ill with worry and crying all of the time! I could write forever but have to stop somewhere.

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