My Son is an Alcoholic and Living with me.

by Roy
(Sacramenro)

I am now supporting him. He has lost his job again. This is causing a financial strain. I realize I have been codependent. Now he has agreed to out patient rehab counseling but is not cooperating with meeting attendance. He is still drinking and I don't know what consequence to enforce. the only real consequence I seem to have is to kick him out? Please help me.

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Answer

Hi Roy

You simply give him the choice - go to meetings and stay sober or you're out on your own. There is no real, workable alternative.

Your son has to learn to take responsibility for his life - and understand that it's not your job to support him, especially when he's not serious about turning his life around and overcoming his alcoholism.

How's he ever going to find (let alone keep) another job if he doesn't get serious about doing what is necessary to get sober - and stay sober? If you keep supporting him, he always knows he can simply fall back on you when he loses his job again, so if you don't take a stance you just keep on enabling him.

Being firm and teaching your son to take responsibility for his life by ensuring he fully bears the consequences of his drinking, is actually the most loving thing you can do for him as parent. Otherwise how will he ever learn and what motivation will he have to change?

Best of Luck