My On/Off Alcoholic Boyfriend of 10 Years has Left Me for Another Woman ... Usually He Left me for Alcohol???

by Diane C
(New York)

My now alcoholic ex boyfriend just sabotaged our relationship. We have had an on/off again relationship for 10 years we even lived together for 4 years, but have been apart for 4 years but still seeing each other until June of this year.

He told me it was to focus on his sobriety and his new job. And that he was walking away because he cared that much about me. And our relationship was not healthy. He has now been living with his parents for a year now. So I think he has been sober that long. (not sure) Even though he mentioned at one point he can have 1 drink.

Unfortunately I found out he was talking to another woman he went to school with who now lives in Florida and she is in he process of a divorce. He even went down to be with her I found pics on FB of them together. Only after 4 weeks of being intimate with me.

He has now had me arrested because I became very upset and he wanted me to stay away from him.

My questions is what is this relationship with this other woman? Are they both rebounding? And will he drink again? Did he leave me for alcohol or another woman?

D

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Answer

Hi Diane

No one can truthfully answer that question other than your (ex) boyfriend). But whether you'll ever get an honest answer out of him is also impossible to say.

The best thing to do is let him go. Sometimes relationships end for reasons we never truly understand. Maybe it's just meant to be that way. It's all part of the cycle of life where some things end and other start anew again.


So instead of beating yourself up about this, wish him well, and make the commitment to yourself that you're going to find yourself again and in future only enter into healthy relationships.

No relationship is ever perfect, but if you've been with an alcoholic for 10 years there must be a massive level of codependency involved. So commit to learning more about yourself and healing old wounds so that in future you don't end up in a dysfunctional/unhealthy relationship, but one that is based on love and mutual respect. An organisation like CODA can help tremendously with that.

It's a horrible feeling to know someone else has broken up with us, especially if we feel that we've been there for them in tough times. But see it as a blessing. Sure it's gonna hurt for a while still, but this is a chance for you to start over and find meaning and happiness in your life in a way that you haven't been able up to now. Remember when one door shuts on us, a new one always opens for us in time.

So forget about what your ex is doing or getting up to. Let him go and move on. It will only drive you crazy obsessing about what he's doing. You deserve more - so use this as an opportunity to go out and get it.

Best of luck and take care.