Alcoholism and Drug Addiction Help Header

My Husband's Struggle with Crack Cocaine. What Can I Do?

by DEBORAH
(MICHIGAN CITY, IN)

Please help me, I have been married for 19 years. My husband has struggled with Crack-Cocaine for as long as we have been married. He has gone on binges that have lasted 6 months, others overnight, off and on for the past 19 years.


What I am so confused about, he will be clean for say 2 years, and does great. But then out of the clear blue, he will go off on a binge. He is now 53 years old. And I would say he does this probably 4-5 times a years, at a couple days span.

How can he stay clean for years and then all of a sudden turn back to it? He was recently clean for about 2 years, and now in the past 6 months, he has gone on binges 3 times. I am to the point where I just feel helpless, and leave doubt in my mine all the time, when he is the least bit off schedule.

I know when he is on a binge, because he doesn't answer his cell, and money starts to withdraw for our checking and savings account, this past weekend, was another episode. And he also is a Truck Driver, which I believe he just so happens he will run into the the wrong people and go off path, but am I just kidding myself.

And what can I do? I feel helpless, and discouraged ... I do love my husband but at this time in my life, I do not want to keep living in this doubt. Just when I think he is all good, I get slapped in the face. Any ideas on why or what would make him still not leave it alone completely?

There was a time years ago, when it was almost a weekly habit. And for him to come so far, and then out of the clear blue go off on a binge. This time i said some very mean things to him, as JUST GO OUT THERE AND BLOW YOUR HEART UP AND GET IT THE F OVER WITH. I DON'T MEAN THIS, BUT I AM SO TIRED OF DEALING WITH THIS PROBLEM. I WANT HELP, AND DONT KNOW WHAT AND WHERE TO EVEN START.........

Answer



Hi Deborah

One of the reasons people say you are only ever in recovery from an addiction and can be never cured from it entirely, shows through perfectly in your husband's case.

Everything can seemingly be going well ... and then WHAM! ... out of nowhere, he suddenly starts using and goes on a binge again.

That's why principles used in 12 step programs like NA and AA are so true ... it's all about just staying clean for today, and taking it one day at a time.

You don't say whether your husband is in fact working any kind of addiction recovery program, but you'll find that most people who have been clean for any length of time have achieved that through vigilantly working at some kind of recovery program, whether it be the likes of NA and AA, or something different.

Because to get on top of those inner demons that lead us down the road of addiction, takes a lot of work and effort. We need to begin to change on the deepest of levels. Through sheer will power, which it sounds like your husband is using - you can only resist for so long. Eventually the desire to use becomes so overwhelming, that you simply end up picking up and going on a binge as your husband does intermittently.

So until your husband commits to a life of sobriety, and consistently works at maintaining that through working a recovery program like NA, this pattern of his is going to keep repeating himself.

The best thing you can do for yourself is surround yourself with people who can relate to your position, and offer advice and support because they've been there. So I suggest you look at checking out a group called Nar-Anon, which is for family members of drug addicts. I'm sure it will help you immensely.

Breaking the cycle of addiction is entirely in your husband's hands. And that's exactly what it is. Don't be fooled that because he isn't using as regularly as he used to, that he isn't an addict. It's not something that just leaves you. So until he gets help and commits to a life of recovery, the desire to use will always keep bubbling beneath the surface, no matter how hard he tries to suppress it.

You need to understand that you are powerless to control his drug using. Of course you can try persuade him that he needs help and that he needs to do something about his problem, but very rarely does that help. He needs to see and want that for himself. Only then is lasting change possible.

Where does that leave you?

You can only hope and pray that your husband will reach the point where he's ready to change, but if that doesn't happen, you need to give some serious though to the kind of future you want for yourself.

I can only wish you wisdom and strength to make the best decision for you.

God Bless








Comments for My Husband's Struggle with Crack Cocaine. What Can I Do?

Average Rating starstarstarstarstar

Click here to add your own comments

Nov 06, 2012
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
SELFISH
by: Anonymous

I KNOW THE FEELING I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 18 YEARS AND STILL GOING THROUGH THE SAME DRAMA
MY HUSBAND WAS CLEAN FOR A YEAR, RELAPSED LAST MONTH LOST HIS JOB,HOME,CAR BUT IS STILL ON THE ROAD TO SELF DESTRUCTION.

ALL WE CAN DO IS PRAY.

Apr 16, 2012
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
I have the same issue with my Husband
by: Yvonne Wilcox

I love my Husband but it seems like he loves crack cocaine, crack houses and crack women more than me and his son.

I thought it was something I did or said and he told me he relapsed this time because he left LONELY! Well how do he think I feel when he is missing on HOLIDAYS and my Birthday even worst he missed his son's second birthday party at Chuck E Cheese.

I feel bad because he is also 53 years old and in total denial. I have tried to reach out to members of his family but SOME of them seem to think I am too hard on him and should just LOOK the other way until he gets tired.

I am tired and do not feel like spending holidays and birthdays even our wedding anniversary alone.

Guess I have no choice but to file for divorce and be prepared to raised our 3 year old son ALONE because obviously my husband is trying to kill himself with this drug.

Feb 04, 2012
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
feeling lost
by: Anonymous

these ladies have just told my story i have been married for twevel years my husband have been in and out of jail because of drugs and now we are buying a home he had clean his self up good until three months ago .i dont understand after four years of staying clean he go back to using do you think i made him unhappy i try hard to be a good wife because i love him so much i dont know what to do this is not his first time more like 5th,6th,7th time maybe more ifeel lost he have been to places for help and he still go back to using

Apr 25, 2011
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
i tired an want my life back
by: crystal

My husband been on crack off and on for 18 years. We only been married 4 1/2 years. He have took thousands of dollars an smoked up. Stolen jewelry worth 5000 And pawn for crack. Lost 2 vehicles. Almost lost our house. I seen him coming out of hotel with crack head womens. My love for him is not the same anymore. But I do feel sorry for him. And always let him come home from his binge. I think this last time is it for me. A divorce is now in plans. I have 3 teenagers to look after. The love is not in him for his family only crack. 46 years old with health problems he want last long. So God have mercy on him.

Dec 29, 2010
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
lost
by: crystal

my husband to has been on crack off and on for 18 years. we have four boys together and it has been hard on all of them. to get a home and loose it over and over and not know where their dad is for days at a time. no money. we have had to hide our xbox, dvd players and the keys to the car. he has sold our cars, and now he has sold several stolen cars from where i work. i have turned him in and still do not know how i am suppose to feel. i feel like a fool for ever trusting him after the last time 4 years ago. i am so tired of starting over with him. yet feel if i dont give him hope that we will be together again we will all loose him. that he will be found dead and it will be my fault for not giving him the hope he may have needed. his mom makes me feel guilty for saying i am done for good. i really do not know what to do either!

Jan 28, 2010
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
Create Consequences
by: Marge

Eventually I told my husband, enough, it's either me or the drugs. He chose the drugs so I left him. I think eventually he got a fright, and promised to change, but I insisted before there was any hope of reconciling he get proper treatment and manage to stay clean for at least 6 months. All our pleading and shouting does nothing unless we hold them accountable and put out foot down to say that we won't have it anymore. Otherwise we just end up enabling their behaviour. It doesn't mean they will change, but then why should we stick around and stay miserable because of them? Life is precious and far too short. Good Luck though with whatever you decide!

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Addiction and Alcoholism Effects on Family Questions Archive2.





+1 Alcoholism-and-Drug-Addiction-Help.com  

FREE E-Course

"10 Essential Steps to Ending a Life of Alcoholism or Drug Addiction ... Permanently!"

This Course is packed full of valuable information and advice for overcoming addiction that you're unlikely to find anywhere else.

And if you subscribe now - we'll throw in a Special eBook that will help immensely in your struggle against addiction.
E-mail
Name
Then

Don't worry - your e-mail
address is totally secure.
Your details will NEVER be sold and you will NOT be spammed.



XML RSS
What is this?
Add to My Yahoo!
My MSN RSS button
Add to Google


Copyright © 2013 - Alcoholism-and-Drug-Addiction-Help.com - All Rights Reserved.