My Husband's a Narcotic Drug Addict - Is There Any Hope for us?

We have been separated now 4 weeks due to his addiction. Today he left for rehab treatment center about 3 hours from home. We have never really been apart during this mess he has created.

Since some time has passed, I am glad we are apart, it has given me some much needed time to think about what I want. He plans to stay in rehab app. 6 months and says he is dead serious about getting clean and not losing me/us.

It's extra hard for me because when he's clean he is a great guy, very loving, caring and kind. When he's using he has never been a physical threat to me, ever. He just gets aggitated, irritable, snotty which is enough.
Anybody have any advice? I'd sure be grateful.

Lainey

Answer

Hi Lainey

I believe hope is the most important and powerful human emotion. It's what gives us the strength and belief to keep going ... hoping we can in whatever way improve our lives.

So my advice to you is ... never lose that hope. However - and here's the 'but.'Retain hope for your relationship with your husband, but you have to manage your expectations and throw in a healthy dose of realism.

How things unfold for your husband you have no control over. It's fantastic that he's committed to treatment for his drug addiction and seems serious about turning his life around. But the power and responsibility of achieving lasting sobriety rests entirely with your husband - and you need to understand you are powerless over the outcome.

I sometimes live by the motto, especially in relation to others, 'hope for the best and expect the worst' That might sound negative, but because I have no control of others, rather than create massive expectations that can end up derailing me if they're not met, I learn to appreciate the good times while realising things can at any time change. That's just life ... things are always in flux, never the same, and the harder we fight that, the tougher we make it for ourselves.

So use this 6 months productively to discover yourself again and find things that make you happy. So whatever the outcome with your husband in the long-run, you'll have the confidence to stand on your own feet should things not work out as you hope. And that's where your main source of hope and belief should lie - that you can go on and be happy, however things may unfold with your husband.

Hopefully he'll be a changed man and the days of his addiction a thing of the past, but your happiness and future well-being shouldn't depend on that. Only you are responsible for those.

Keep the faith, stay strong and trust that things have a way of working out for the best in the long run.