My Husband is Sober . I Am Not. Can Our Marriage Last?

by Brig
(new jersey)

I have been a bartender all of my adult life, my husband and I met in a bar, we are bikers, we used to enjoy going to motorcycle events, and socializing with friends, we were both partiers.

My husband went a little over board but has been clean for over six years. I love him dearly, we've been together for almost 20 years but we no longer have anything in common. I still drink, enjoy being social, riding my motorcycle and he likes staying home, working & playing video games.

We are rarely intimate (its been four months ). I'm only forty years old, there is so much I want to still do with my life, and I know he is not interested in doing any of these things with me ... I've been thinking of leaving him but I feel I'm being selfish. Anyone in the same boat as me ??

Alcoholism-and-Drug-Addiction-Help.com Answer

No one can answer that question for you. You need to be honest about what it is you really want ... and then communicate that to your husband and see where that leads.

Relationships change and evolve for everyone. And many couples do grow apart, for a variety of reasons. Some are able to work through that and make their relationships stronger, while for others it means splitting up.

So don't rush into doing anything. Start with having an open and honest conversation with your husband. Just because he is now sober and doesn't like to party anymore doesn't mean you can't still find middle ground that will allow your marriage to work.

In many marriages people have totally different interests and are still able to make it work. It boils down to a question of desire and really wanting to make it work ... which is something only you have the answer to.

Until you have an honest conversation with your husband and communicate what you're going through, you're not going to know if there is any scope for making changes in your marriage that will improve things for both of you. Maybe he's also frustrated and wants to make an effort to change things.

You can't assume what he's thinking/feeling until you've spoken to him. We often assume we know what our partners are thinking/what they want ... but when we really engage them and make an effort to communicate honestly and openly, the things we learn are surprising.

That's not to say maybe you shouldn't leave him if that's what you really want - because it's not fair on either of you staying in a marriage you're no longer really committed to.

But just don't do it on an impulse. Think it through. Be honest about whether it really is going to make you happier, and treat your husband with respect and dignity through all this by being open and honest. He deserves that at the very least.

Good Luck

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