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My Husband is Addicted to Cocaine

My husband and I have been married for ten years. We have two children ages 6 and 8. My husband is addicted to cocaine. It has gotten better than what it used to be this past year.


Before, he would use a few times a week and would not come home until late at night or the next morning. Last year I left him because of his addiction. Only two weeks later I went back to him because he promised not to use anymore which I had heard many times before.

This time it was a little different because he admitted he had a problem and wanted to stop, but couldn't. He began going to outpatient drug counseling. Four months later he quit going. I caught him two weeks later using again and I think it was not the first time because there was one other time before that I had suspected he was.

My husband then went five months without using and it really seemed that my nightmare of wandering when he was going to use again was going to be over. Two months ago he used again twice within two weeks. He gave me an excuse that he didn't think I would care if he wasn't out all night or out late.

Just last week he did it again. I got his clothes ready this time and moved him out. I really wanted it to work for my kids sake. I miss him so much. We have been civil about everything and he comes and spends time with the kids.

I just don't know what to do at this point. It seems that there is nothing left for me to do besides just get realistic and realize this addiction will never go away.

Answer



It's not that your husband's addiction will 'never go away.' What you're doing now is good because you're holding your husband accountable for his continued drug using and saying you won't allow it.

Hopefully this will then in time bring him to the realisation that he needs to get serious about overcoming his addiction if he hopes to get you/his family back. Only after an addict has sometimes lost something really important to them, do they then get sufficiently motivated to actually work at their problem.

So I wouldn't give up hope, but having said that, there are no guarantees your husband will change, so it's important that you try and continue with your life as best you can, and provide a loving and supportive environment for your kids.

Your husband's addiction is something you can't control. He is entirely responsible for achieving and maintaining his sobriety. And hopefully losing his family, will motivate him to do what is necessary - i.e. get proper treatment for his drug addiction and work a proper addiction recovery program.

In the meantime though - to help you make sense of this and so that you can find help in healing, you should look at going to Naranon meetings, which is for family members of addicts. You'll receive incredible support and advice on how to deal with what you're going through, because it's critical you learn how to find your own purpose and happiness, irrespective of what your husband does or doesn't do.

You've shown a lot of strength and courage to do what you've done. Don't change your mind now. And hopefully it will lead to your husband making the changes he needs to.

Stay strong and Take Care




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Dec 13, 2011
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Lack of trust leads to personal growth I hope.
by: scarlett1970

Before I say anything about my husband I want to say that I too am an alcoholic and a member of AA. I have nearly 5 years of sobriety. The reason why I admit this is because I know that my husbands drug use could be a hazard to my personal state. We were together 2 years and separated for 1. The entire time we were apart all we (I know that I can speak for him too) wished and hoped for was to get back together. He relapsed (which is why we split up) and after getting back together and being days away from his 1 year cake he slipped again. I have left him before and know that this is not the answer for me. I was married, and divorced before and never have I love or even thought I could love another human the way I love this man. Of course I realize that there is some co-dependence there too. I wouldn't be a good alcoholic if I didn't have other crap as well. I know a woman who is and has been married to an active alcoholic for years and I have always asked myself how she does it. Today I understand. She loves him. Somehow, they fit even though there are problems. I don't know if this is the right answer. I hope that one day at a time though that answer I will continue to live a happy sober life with the help and guidance of someone much more powerful than me.

Nov 24, 2009
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Trust Yourself
by: C-P

Trust yourself - you've done the right thing. Your husband will now really begin to experience the consequences of his continued drug addiction. If he wants his family back - he'll realise he's powerless over his addiction, get help and be humble enough to follow a recovery program to ensure he stays clean. But the insanity of addiction is such - that even though with what you would think would be all the motivation in the world (regain his family) - there's no guarantee he will change. So you have to focus on yourself now and do what you need to find happiness. Support groups can help tremendously and that's why Naranon or Al Anon are such a good idea. Also trust that in the long-run there is a higher purpose behind everything and that everything will work out for the best. God Bless

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