My Husband is Addicted to Cocaine

My husband and I have been married for ten years. We have two children ages 6 and 8. My husband is addicted to cocaine. It has gotten better than what it used to be this past year.

Before, he would use a few times a week and would not come home until late at night or the next morning. Last year I left him because of his addiction. Only two weeks later I went back to him because he promised not to use anymore which I had heard many times before.

This time it was a little different because he admitted he had a problem and wanted to stop, but couldn't. He began going to outpatient drug counseling. Four months later he quit going. I caught him two weeks later using again and I think it was not the first time because there was one other time before that I had suspected he was.

My husband then went five months without using and it really seemed that my nightmare of wandering when he was going to use again was going to be over. Two months ago he used again twice within two weeks. He gave me an excuse that he didn't think I would care if he wasn't out all night or out late.

Just last week he did it again. I got his clothes ready this time and moved him out. I really wanted it to work for my kids sake. I miss him so much. We have been civil about everything and he comes and spends time with the kids.

I just don't know what to do at this point. It seems that there is nothing left for me to do besides just get realistic and realize this addiction will never go away.

Answer

It's not that your husband's addiction will 'never go away.' What you're doing now is good because you're holding your husband accountable for his continued drug using and saying you won't allow it.

Hopefully this will then in time bring him to the realisation that he needs to get serious about overcoming his addiction if he hopes to get you/his family back. Only after an addict has sometimes lost something really important to them, do they then get sufficiently motivated to actually work at their problem.

So I wouldn't give up hope, but having said that, there are no guarantees your husband will change, so it's important that you try and continue with your life as best you can, and provide a loving and supportive environment for your kids.

Your husband's addiction is something you can't control. He is entirely responsible for achieving and maintaining his sobriety. And hopefully losing his family, will motivate him to do what is necessary - i.e. get proper treatment for his drug addiction and work a proper addiction recovery program.

In the meantime though - to help you make sense of this and so that you can find help in healing, you should look at going to Naranon meetings, which is for family members of addicts. You'll receive incredible support and advice on how to deal with what you're going through, because it's critical you learn how to find your own purpose and happiness, irrespective of what your husband does or doesn't do.

You've shown a lot of strength and courage to do what you've done. Don't change your mind now. And hopefully it will lead to your husband making the changes he needs to.

Stay strong and Take Care