My Husband Gets Violent - What Should I Do

by Joan
(Bradford UK)

My husband was beaten up 12 year ago and has been violent on a number of occasions towards me. He does not work. I work full time, he does not look after the kids either no housework is done.

We live with my mum, the mortgage is in mine and mums name (not his) - he did not want to go on as he would have to pay towards it he says. I have been to doctors to ask for help and they put him on fluxotine. He has been on this for 8 years now - he says its my fault when anything happens.

He thinks he can ask for a product or something done and I have to pay cos I work. I have enough paying bills and bringing up our children. Help me please.

Answer

Hi Joan

Violence is under NO circumstances ever okay. Your husband clearly has deep-seated issues and needs to get help for those - but that is his responsibility not yours.

You should kick him out and if necessary get a restraining order from the police that he can't come near enough to you to hurt you. He's obviously taking full advantage of the situation whereby you have to do all the work and he does nothing. The fact that you've let him get away with this for so long has basically just ingrained his behaviour and enabled him to continue doing so.

So I think it's time you set yourself free of him and move on. He's never going to change, at least not while he has things so easy. I don't know if he has a genuine problem or is just lazy, but 'fixing' his problems isn't your responsibility. He has to learn to become accountable and responsible for his own life - and not just leech off others.

You may need to engage a Solicitor who can help you organise the technical details, but in the meantime I think you should kick your husband out so that he starts learning how to fend for himself. You deserve a better man than that!

Best of Luck.