My Fiancee Is an Alcoholic In the Army and Has Fallen Off the Wagaon.

by imogen
(uk)

My fiancé is in the army, after he returned from Afghanistan he developed quite a serious drinking problem, he missed work on days and then disappeared totally for 2 weeks into Germany with no contact with anyone.

Previous to these two weeks he was also not contacting me at weekends and then lying about how much he had drunk, he even would lie and say he could not come home due to work, and would actually be drinking.

When he returned to camp from the 2 weeks he was missing he was taken straight to an amazing clinic for 5 weeks for help, he then came home for a month and was perfect alcohol free and seemed amazing.

He then returned to work for a month and was doing so well, being top student getting on promotional courses, we were closer than ever, but now in the last week he has been missing mornings of work again and this weekend stayed at work and once again I have had no contact for 3 days.

Its come to light from other soldiers he has been drunk for all this time ... he has done so well for 3 months but this weekend has terrified me. How do I stop this from getting worse? What do I say? How do I react when he calls? Please help me. I don't want this to go back to how it was.

I don't understand - he was back on track, had everything he wanted and seemed so happy. I don't know what to do?

Alcoholism-and-Drug-Addiction-Help.com Answer

Don't try make sense of this Imogen because you can't. You'll never really understand why your fiancé has relapsed and returned to alcohol. It's simply what alcoholics do.

Also being in the army and having been to a place like Afghanistan will mean your fiancé has probably seen, been exposed to, and possibly done things we can't even begin to imagine. So there may well be the possibility that post traumatic stress disorder is one of the causes of his alcoholism.

Whatever the reasons, that doesn't provide an excuse for his drinking or behaviour. He needs to accept his problem and do everything he can to get sober and change his life - like he's already shown is possible during that period he went for treatment and managed to stay sober for a month afterwards. So you both know it is possible.

So the best thing you can do is when you speak to him again is remind him you love him - but be firm and make it clear that you're not okay with his alcoholism or recent behavior, and that if you two are to have a future, he needs to get his life back on track.

Encourage him to get back to his program and ideally return to the clinic for a while so that they can help him get sober again. But the main thing is how you deliver the message - don't accept excuses or him justifying his behaviour in any way.

You need to make the boundaries clear ... and that him getting sober again is a non-negotiable. However he doesn't need to do it alone and there are professionals who are ready, willing and waiting to help him. Best of Luck

+1 Alcoholism-and-Drug-Addiction-Help.com