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My Fiance Has Admitted He is Doing Cocaine. What Should I Do To Help?

by Darryl
(UK)

He has admitted to doing cocaine( he says he doesn't do it through the week just the weekend when I'm up his house. He feels he needs it more when he has had a drink. It took his father to tell me for me to even know.


When I confronted him he said yes he has been taking it and wants to stop. I want to help him. I feel so gutted that he wouldn't tell me. I feel like he has been lying to me and that hurts, a lot. He said if I'd asked him was he taking it then he would have said, but why should I have to ask?

I feel as if I need to ask him a direct question to get the truth out of him. What if he has lied about other things? Can I trust him because I feel so hurt and betrayed? I love him and have told him if he can't stop taking it then I can't deal with a fiancé on drugs, it will be over!

And I hate that that could be possible, I can't imagine my life without him and am scared to death that he won't be able to stop and I will have to leave him. What can I do to help him?







Alcoholism-and-Drug-Addiction-Help.com Answer



Hi Darryl

You've done the right thing by being honest about how you feel about his cocaine use, and that long-term you can't be with someone who uses coke. You've put the boundary in place and made it clear where he stands, so he knows what the consequences are if he doesn't do something about this.

All you can then do is encourage him to get help and talk to professionals who understand the problem of substance abuse. Here's a link to the National Treatment Agency for Substance Misuse in the UK, through which you can investigate the treatment options available and find someone for him to talk to who can advise accordingly.

But the rest is up to him. You can't fix him. He has to follow through and be committed to overcoming his cocaine misuse. Because if he isn't, in reality nothing will change. Many people who abuse or misuse drugs make promises to change and quit, but in reality never do, because they don't really want to.

So the test will be when it comes to him making a real effort to get help and follow through on whatever advise is given. The link will provide him all the information he needs to get started, so hopefully he really means it when he says he wants to stop.

Because if he doesn't, it will quickly become apparent through the excuses etc. he makes, at which point you'll know he isn't ready and you'll have to re-evaluate your future together.

Best of Luck.

Comments for My Fiance Has Admitted He is Doing Cocaine. What Should I Do To Help?

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To Emily
by: Anonymous

I Cor. 13:4-8 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. Love yourself enough just as Christ love you, to let your person seek professional help. Once he gets the proper help, you will be there, if it is in God's plan. Praying for your strength, comfort and peace, I am in the same situation as you. God bless

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is God punishing me of something l did wrong?
by: Emily

it really hurts when you don't know what to do to help your loved one specially that you believe that they could be helped ...l'v been trying to help my fiance over a year now..he uses and stops..he gives me hope then he takes it away ....l couldn't leave him because l love him more than anything else in this world.....but he doesn't stop hurting me...he gets to the point to sell everything we have in the apartment..he takes and steal money for me ... he physically hurt me he leaves me alone all day and night worrying about him....l call him million times he never answers or he will just hung up on me...and when he came back home he will apologies and promises he wanna change he will do it for himself and for us....l need help l don't know what do do? l feel like ending my life....

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Thanks
by:

I know ive been on the phone to a drugs counciler today for him and ive told him il help him to give up if he wants to but if he cant, thats not something i can live with :(
But im terrified he wont, i love him to bits and dread to think of my life without him :( but like you said he'l make the choice, one way or the other

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