My Fiance Has Admitted He is Doing Cocaine. What Should I Do To Help?

by Darryl
(UK)

He has admitted to doing cocaine( he says he doesn't do it through the week just the weekend when I'm up his house. He feels he needs it more when he has had a drink. It took his father to tell me for me to even know.

When I confronted him he said yes he has been taking it and wants to stop. I want to help him. I feel so gutted that he wouldn't tell me. I feel like he has been lying to me and that hurts, a lot. He said if I'd asked him was he taking it then he would have said, but why should I have to ask?

I feel as if I need to ask him a direct question to get the truth out of him. What if he has lied about other things? Can I trust him because I feel so hurt and betrayed? I love him and have told him if he can't stop taking it then I can't deal with a fiancé on drugs, it will be over!

And I hate that that could be possible, I can't imagine my life without him and am scared to death that he won't be able to stop and I will have to leave him. What can I do to help him?

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Alcoholism-and-Drug-Addiction-Help.com Answer

Hi Darryl

You've done the right thing by being honest about how you feel about his cocaine use, and that long-term you can't be with someone who uses coke. You've put the boundary in place and made it clear where he stands, so he knows what the consequences are if he doesn't do something about this.


All you can then do is encourage him to get help and talk to professionals who understand the problem of substance abuse. Here's a link to the National Treatment Agency for Substance Misuse in the UK, through which you can investigate the treatment options available and find someone for him to talk to who can advise accordingly.

But the rest is up to him. You can't fix him. He has to follow through and be committed to overcoming his cocaine misuse. Because if he isn't, in reality nothing will change. Many people who abuse or misuse drugs make promises to change and quit, but in reality never do, because they don't really want to.

So the test will be when it comes to him making a real effort to get help and follow through on whatever advise is given. The link will provide him all the information he needs to get started, so hopefully he really means it when he says he wants to stop.

Because if he doesn't, it will quickly become apparent through the excuses etc. he makes, at which point you'll know he isn't ready and you'll have to re-evaluate your future together.

Best of Luck.

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