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My Ex-Husband's Alcoholism is Killing My Son

by renee
(Illinoi)

I was married to a hard core alcoholic for 13 years and we have one son 13 years old. The marriage was never good then the alcoholism just kept getting worse - for 3 years I put up with him not working stealing my pain pills and laying up in a bedroom sometimes in his own urine and feces.


Everytime I tried to get rid of him my son begged, 'please Mommy don't, he will die.' I finally could not take it anymore and I did finally get a divorce. He now basically is homeless, goes in and out of hospitals, and most recent he was in a halfway house and I thought he was going to make it.

I was giving him rides for job interviews and such - he did finally get hired with a starting salary of 85k per year and is supposed to have orientation tomorrow. Of course now he has gone off the deep end again and got kicked out of the halfway house and is in some dumpy motel not sure where.

But my son is begging me to find him and help him or he is going to die. I can not help him anymore, he has put me into bankruptcy and spent all of my savings from an inheritance. I just don't know what to do for my son anymore - he will not go to any meetings or doctors to talk. It is killing him and me, what do i do?

As cruel as it sounds my son would be better off if his dad would just die - at least he would know where he was instead of sitting here calling every hotel in the phone book, please can someone tell me where to start?

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Educate
by: Anonymous

You need to try and educate your son as to what alcoholism really is ... and that you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. You've done the right thing for you and your son and in the long-run it will be best for everyone. Your son doesn't understand that yet so be patient with him. Your ex-husband needs to take responsibility for his alcoholism and to do whatever it takes to overcome it. Maybe try use an analogy with your son and tell him that his dad is staying sick because he doesn't want to take the medicine that will help him get better. Try and speak to him in a language that will make sense. In the end though it's short-term pain for long-term gain. It might be killing your son now, but one day he'll understand and he'll be able to appreciate why you did what you did. Hang in there and good luck.

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