My Drug Addiction Means I No Longer Have the Strength to Keep Going: Any Advice?
I'm a DRUG addict. I have been doing drugs for 13 years, I am not a bad person, I don't steal and I don't do drugs around anybody but myself. I pay my bills and make sure my daughter has everything she needs and wants before I spend money on drugs.
I have tried to quit. I have done the rehab thing and been to many NA meetings. I have tried everything possible. I have pretty much given up on life, my daughter is happily married so she doesn't need me anymore and I live with my parents because I'm afraid of being alone.
I'm not sure why I am writing to you, I guess I'm hoping you can give me some advice. I know you are not a drug couselor so if you can't help me I will understand. I just think I have tried everything and I have no more strength to keep going.
I know I have destroyed my body so I probably don't have much life to live ... If you have any advice I would love to hear from you!
The sadness and pain in your tone is truly heartbreaking. I wish there was a magic formula or secret ingredient I could give you and say that this is the answer for you.
But unfortunately, nothing like that exists. The fact that you've been through drug rehab
, received extensive treatment for your addiction and been to NA meetings, means that you know what to do if you want to leave the life of addiction behind you.
So my question to you is what's stopping you ...?
If you really put your mind to something, you're obviously good at achieving what you set out to do - witnessed by the fact that you were able to show so much self control in making sure all your daughter's needs were taken care of, before you started feeding your addiction.
That tells me it's a question of desire and motivation more than anything else - because if you really make the decision that you want to quit, you'll put your mind into doing it. So I'll ask you again, what's stopping you from making that decision?
Successfully overcoming an addiction is ultimately about focusing on the processes, the little steps, that will help you achieve
sobriety. In other words the things you need to do on a regular basis to get and stay clean. Do those things consistently and your life will change no question ... but to do the things you need to do requires a whole dose of effort and commitment on your part.
Many of us that have managed to achieve sobriety, do so out of desperation I think. We're about to lose everything or have reached such a low we're absolutely desperate to change ... and so will do whatever it takes. Escaping the living hell we've created becomes our major driving force.
What can become your driving force? Aren't you just tired of feeling sick and tired? Tap into that ... get angry with yourself if need be ... and find that emotion that will help you start taking the necessary continuous action you need to, to leave the life of addiction behind you.
Because that's all it entails ... one step and one day at a time. Your steps might be slightly different from my steps, but that's okay, because each of us have to find a method that works for us. So you need to find a method that works for you ... and if it's not NA ... keep looking. There are lots of people out there who have achieved sobriety by creating their own recovery programs.
I meditate daily, read a lot of inspiring books
, spend time with uplifting people, exercise when I can, get into nature and away from things when time allows, write, and make sure I avoid places and things I know will bring me down as far as possible.
Because I know the real secret to lasting success and changing the circumstances that represent my outer world ... is by changing my inner world first.
But that's me. You have to figure out what it is for you. It all starts however with you wanting it, and being desperate enough to keep at it for however long it takes to get where you need to get to.
Don't give up Rose. Your life is far too valuable. Search hard enough and the way forward will reveal itself to you ... because as the saying goes, 'when the student is ready, the teacher will appear.'
God Bless and NEVER give up! You CAN do it.