My Drug Addicted Son Wants to Come Home to Live, Should I Let Him?
He has been in some drug rehab, but has not gone away for treatment. He has stolen from us and his sister. My daughter wants to call the police about him breaking in her house, but is unsure if she should.
He wants to leave his girlfriend where he was living to come home and live with my wife and I, but I do not trust him. His girlfriend has gotten him back on drugs as she was a recovering cocaine head. My son is on heroin, and has been going to an out patient doctor, taking a supplemental drug so he won't use heroin.
He started using a few years ago in college as a "recreational" drug, but it is now taking over his life, and ruining his family. With the Holidays coming, I feel everyone in the family should be aware of his addiction, so they are prepared to "watch" him should he stop at their home over the Holidays. I hate to tell everyone, but I feel it is the responsible thing to do.
Unless you know your son is clean and working a drug addiction recovery program
then letting him come and live with you again is looking for trouble. As the saying goes, 'if nothing changes, nothing changes' - and with your son still being in active addiction, all his destructive behavior will continue, despite what promises otherwise he makes.
So until your son embraces a life of recovery and commits to doing everything he can to turning his life around, things aren't going to get better for him. And until he does reach the point where he is clean and living the life of recovery, it would be extremely risky for you let him come and live at home again.
As much as they say and want to believe otherwise - heroin addicts can't help but steal, lie and manipulate. It's simply part of their addiction, and that's what you risk letting back into your house. It's not because they're inherently bad people, its simply a symptom of their addiction.
And yes, you should let the rest of the family know what's going on. Addiction thrives in the secrecy and shame most people carry about it. But the only way to deal with it is to confront it head on with absolute honesty and fearlessness. By bringing it to light and making sure you and the rest of your family hold your son accountable for his choices, he begins to experience the full consequences of those choices, and is more likely then eventually to want to do something about his drug addiction. That's why your daughter shouldn't hesitate to call the police if he has stolen from her - he needs to be held accountable, otherwise he will never learn from the poor decisions he makes.
No one can tell you what to do - and if you did let your son come and live at home again it would have to be with very clear boundaries and an understanding that if he doesn't stay clean and live within those boundaries, you would kick him out straight away again.
It's a tough call to make but good luck with whatever you decide.