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My Daughter's Boyfriend Introduced Her to Oxycontin. My Husband Wants Him Out of Her Life But She's Resisting ....

by Jackie
(US)

My daughter has a boyfriend of one year who introduced her to oxy. She has been using with him on and off for 10 months. She is only 16 he is 18.

When he stopped using she stopped using. Everything came to a head this weekend when her dad and I found out the extent of her use. Her boyfriend went to rehab a few days ago and she is going through assessment and says she wants to get clean using an outpatient program.

The issue right now is she wants to be able to talk to the boyfriend on the phone and we don't know how to handle it. Her dad wants the kid gone forever and the more he pushes the more she pushes back. What do you do?

Answer

Hi Jackie

It's a delicate situation. Because as you say - the more your husband pushes, the more your daughter pushes back.

The thing is, even if your husband were to insist on your daughter having no further contact with this guy - there is no way you could stop her from seeing/communicating with him because if she's really determined she'll find a way. And then you just run the risk of alienating her totally.

I think the best approach would be to talk to her like an adult. Express your concerns calmly and rationally. Talk to her about how dangerous what she's doing is ... and that if she's serious about coming clean, she needs to be responsible about who she spends her time with because if she spends time with others drug users, she'll just end up using again.

These are also the kinds of things she'll learn about in her outpatient treatment program, but ultimately your daughter is going to do what she wants to do because you can't control and watch her every move. You just have to hope she's learned from this and is ready to change.

So I think now is not the time to be overly demanding of your daughter, but rather give her a voice, let you know that you're there for her, and that you trust her to make the right choices for herself.

Hopefully by giving her that responsibility she'll repay the faith you've shown in her.

Good Luck.

Comments for My Daughter's Boyfriend Introduced Her to Oxycontin. My Husband Wants Him Out of Her Life But She's Resisting ....

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Nov 19, 2009
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Pain chronics and Narcotics
by: Agassi

I take vicodin and oxycodone for the treatment of this disease because the doctor prescribed me after a thorough examination, seek information and findrxonline logically points out that these medicines should be tightly controlled by its high content of codeine and this makes one induces these opioids.

Oct 25, 2009
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My experience
by: Anonymous

Im in your daughters situation. I never did drugs and was on high honor roll. met the man of my "dreams.. never did drugs i was strong on that but i wound up kicked out of my house and in jail. And your daughter will be to. sorry to be harsh. when my parents pushed i pushed harder as well actually i eventually ran because of it. Because i wanted to be with him and they forced me not to. the way u guys should take it get her conseling and get her a diary, just for her to write about situation he has been in with her and buy her something to lock it in with a key so u guys wont be tempted to search for it and read it and she can trust that you wont do that. Then she will figure it all out from there. See with my boyfriend he was very good at talking himself out of situation robbing my aunt, me, crashing my car, a needle i found in my car, money that i gave him that never seemed to go where it was supposed to. Once i began to write down all the situation and things that happened and they were all written out on a list infront of me i finally said wow. How didnt i see this all.. Thats what helped me. And conseling. Because i was seriously brainwashed after 6monthes of this. I couldnt make a decision on my own in anyway. MY parents would say please come home and all we ask is that you dont see him until after you graduate then u can make ur own decisions, now i look at that as the best decision possible because i was homeless sleeping in a park bathroom but i still couldnt agree to anything before talking to him, seeing what he wanted me to do. But i didnt see that then. Until i got conseling and started writing about us. Because when i wrote it out i wrote all the bad things that mad me mad and that made me realize it. Too bad i went to jail before i realized it. Show this email to your daughter and if there isnt anything wrong with there relationship and every thing is happy glory then she wont be afraid to keep a notebook like that or go to conseling. It took me so long to agree to conseling because i knew it would make me not love him. And if you daughter throws out the love word just remind her that noone that loved her would ever want to harm her or do anything to upset her future they would leave before they allowed her to get involved with drugs.

Oct 15, 2009
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Establish Boundaries
by: C-P

You should also look to establish boundaries with your daughter after she's finished her treatment program. In exchange for a certain amount of freedom that she wants ... she has to do X, e.g. maintain a specific grade at school, do certain chores etc. And if she doesn't the consequences are Y. It's about helping her take responsibility for her decisions and her learning the consequences of making poor one's. That way then if the still wants to keep contact with her boyfriend, you can try and create certain clear boundaries for doing so. There is no perfect formula for dealing with situations like this and I hope everything works out for the best. Good Luck.

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