My Daughter is Addicted to Drugs. How Do I Approach Her?
My daughter is addicted to drugs and doesn't know that I know. Last night I arranged for a drug rehabilitator to come past the house to confront her in my presence to which she was not aware what was going on and she picked up immediately that something was up and left before they could even sit down.
She was very very calm and didn't give anything away and said she was leaving to go to the shop and didn't return. She sent me a message whilst she was at the "shop" asking "who are those people mommy, they look suspicious..." My question is what do I do now?
She acts like she doesn't know what is going on and can't "understand" why people are acting different. I am sure that she knows that we are on to her and her addiction but she is keeping it cool and acting like she doesn't know what is going on. I don't want to push her further away but I do want to help her, please what should I do ... how do I handle the situation?
You have to be honest and truthful with her and tell her you know about her struggle with drug addiction, that you're extremely worried about her and so want to make sure she gets the proper help she needs.
If she tries to play games and deny it, make it clear that you're not going to let yourself be hoodwinked because you know the truth, and all you want is for her to get the treatment she needs for her addiction.
And tell her she can do this the hard way by denying everything which will mean you'll have to force her into an addiction treatment program
- or she can come clean with you and voluntarily agree to getting professional help.
The main thing is to stay strong and be able to speak with honesty even if it does upset her. Being able to speak the truth even if it is upsetting is more important than trying to protect someone's feelings, especially if in the long run you know that's what will be best for them.
But you do need to understand something. Even if you do get your daughter into some kind of program, there are no guarantees it will help because she has to want to ultimately change, before she'll ever turn her life around. It will however plant the seeds of what overcoming drug addiction entails and will expose her to the idea of having to start taking responsibility for her life.
So understand that there is only so much you can do. Until your daughter wants to turn her life around, it is unlikely much will work for her. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't try and get her into an environment where people can help her and get her to see what achieving a life of sobriety actually entails. It's then up to her to make the decision to make the changes she needs to ... or to continue with a life of addiction.
It's a terrible position to be in as a parent because you really are helpless to a large degree. But the main thing is to not try and side-step the issue. You have to confront what is going on with brutal honesty and hope that at some point that switch in your daughter's mind goes off where she decides she's had enough and wants to turn her life around.
Good luck with everything.
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