My Boyfriend's Addiction to Alcohol: Will He Ever Choose Me?

My boyfriend of just under a year has recently accepted that he has an addiction to alcohol and he has been trying to stay sober for about 4 months now. But he has episodes ... and when he starts drinking he can't stop.

His binges last up to 12 hours of almost continuous drinking, followed by 24 hours of sleep and when he wakes up he can't even remember the horrible things he said to me. He feels so terrible and he hates himself for doing this over and over, although I do admit that the binges are occurring with increased sobriety time, first 2 weeks, then 3 or 4, his most recent was 6 whole weeks and I am so proud of how hard he is trying to change.

While I hate that horrible person he becomes and love the man I know he is, I have to remember that the man I love is the one that buys the damn beer and CHOOSES to consume it, I cannot describe the relief that washes over me when the clock hits 2am and they stop selling the crap. To get to the point, I can't help but feel like he will never choose me over this and I can't stand the thought of breaking up with him. It may be stupid of me, but I believe in him. Am I being naive?

---

---

Alcoholism-and-Drug-Addiction-Help.com Answer

The fact that your boyfriend has acknowledged his problem with alcohol and is trying hard to do something about it, are excellent signs. But trying to beat an alcohol addiction simply through will power is hard ... there's a lot more that needs to happen in terms of dealing with stuff and changing at deep and fundamental levels.

So the fact that your boyfriend is trying and not simply in denial about his problem, means it's worth trying to continue with your relationship, and encourage him to take his efforts to the next level, i.e. receive professional help. Because that's where the deep and underlying issues need to be addressed that are causing him to drink the way he is.

A good place to always start is counseling, preferably with someone who has experience in counseling people with addictions. And from there see if things continue to improve. If not, then something more intensive like an out-patient alcohol treatment program, which would be followed by in-patient treatment if things got really bad.

So while encouraging him you need to maintain a healthy dose of perspective, and realise that he has to want it and make it happen if things are ever going to change. Hopefully they do. But if they don't then of course you'll have to re-evaluate whether your relationship is meeting you needs and is something you can continue with.

But right now, while he's trying and it seems things are getting better, you can hope that things will continue to do so. It is important however that he takes it to the next level and gets help if he's really serious about changing.

Best of Luck

+1 Alcoholism-and-Drug-Addiction-Help.com