My Boyfriend The Cocaine Addict and Alcoholic: It's Hard To Let Go

I really do not know where to began. I been dating this guy for 2 years, we have a really good relationship. When I met him, I heard stories that he had used cocaine in the past on a regular basis, we talked about it and he said he was no longer using, but at this point he was on probation.

Ok lets go back 2 or 3 months into the relationship. I start to see that alcohol was a problem - he would get angry, leave a won't hear from him till the next day. He would say he is sorry - I looked over that so any times, but now he is off probation, been off for about a month and 2 weeks.

He has been staying out all night - I couldn't sleep, if I call he would not answer. He stayed out for 3 nights straight, did not contact me, and every 3 days or so he stays out. I been so depressed and hurt. I know I need to let go. He gets angry, paranoid and just pure mean you cannot communicate with him.

He has never been physical with me, I mostly suffer from mental verbal and most of all emotional abuse. Whenever he is out I worry about what his attitude will be like when he gets back. He recently left me, he was gone five days, we had no contact - the 6th day he calls and said he made the wrong decision, and he did not want to be without me. We talked saw each other.

So I still have this feeling in my gut of scariness - what's he going to do next or what mood he's going to be in, is he going to leave again? Yes he did which he never brought his clothes back from last time. Its so hard loving someone with this disease. I know I need to let go, but I cannot. I just want peace. Last night he came by - he was drunk and maybe high too. I know he has a problem, I just don't think he knows. Its really hard.

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