My Boyfriend, Military, and Alcohol.

by KM
(VA)

I have researched alcoholism and the such and am pretty sure my boyfriend has the affects of it. His father drinks heavily, as well as, his father's mother. It almost seems like a hereditary alcoholism. He is in the military and when I asked him what he tells them with his alcoholic beverages - he says 6-12 - and they reply with that's not much a week; not knowing that it's normally daily or way more in excess per week.

He said the reason he doesn't correct them is b/c they would 'ground' him, meaning he wouldn't be doing nothing but paperwork. I have no idea how to approach this with him b/c when I bring alcohol up, he gets sort of defensive or in denial. Especially with him being in the military. He has already gotten 1 DUI and had to take an ASAP class and he learned NOTHING from it. And the only reason he took it was b/c it was court ordered. Please help with some advice!!

Alcoholism-and-Drug-Addiction-Help.com Answer

The unfortunate reality is that if your boyfriend doesn't see ... or doesn't want to see that he has an alcohol problem, there isn't much you can do. Because no matter what you say he simply won't listen.

That's the thing, most active alcoholics are in total denial about their alcoholism - and that's unfortunately what keeps them stuck in an ever deepening cycle of self-destruction.

So the only thing you can keep doing is speaking your truth and calling your boyfriend on his behavior - because addiction thrives on secrecy - you have to confront it with nothing but total honesty and truth. Telling someone not what they want to hear, but what they have to hear, is one of the biggest acts of love you can provide.

It may get to the point where you'll have to make your boyfriend choose - get help for his alcoholism and turn his life around - or you won't be able to continue with the relationship. Because ultimately you have to decide what you want and whether you believe you can have a happy and successful relationship with your boyfriend if things don't change.

You have to understand that you can't change or control your boyfriend. He has to do it ... and want to do it, for himself. But if he realises that you're not prepared to stand by and continue to watch him self-destruct, and that he stands to lose you if he does, that may motivate him into doing something.

There are no guarantees, so you really have to think long and hard about what you want, and be realistic about what the long-term prospects are for your relationship if he doesn't deal with his alcoholism. No one can make that decision for you, but hopefully by taking a stand and making it clear things can't continue as they are, your boyfriend will make the decision to get help for his problem.

Best of Luck

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