My 29-year-old Son is Addicted to Prescription Drugs and Currently in Jail

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My 29-year-old Son is Addicted to Prescription Drugs and Currently in Jail - Should I Bail Him Out?

by Donna
(Indiana)

Do anti-depressants really work or do we just create a new breed of drug addicts? When my son was 25 years old a doctor decided that he was suffering from anxiety. Well from anxiety to addiction ...

He lost his family due to the addiction, and in the past year has spiralled down the ladder of life. Arrested 3 different times for prescription drug charges - I am furious with him and with doctors with television commercials that advertise these miracle cures.

And now that my son is in jail again I don't know if I should bail him out. I have done it before and it hasn't helped but to leave him there until he is arraigned could do more damage. If anyone has any thoughts I am open. So my question is should I bail my son out of jail or let him deal with the consequences of his actions?

Answer

Hi Donna

Gosh, that's a tough one. Your son most definitely needs to start experiencing the severe consequences of his ongoing addiction if he's ever going to reach a place where he's ready to admit to his addiction and get proper help.

Yet, as you say, leaving him in jail could do more harm than good? But then again, could it really because how much worse can things get for him? Maybe some time inside will help open his eyes to what he's become and that it's time to start turning his life around ...

You could possibly consider agreeing to bail him out on the condition that if you do he goes straight into a long-term drug treatment program - even get the judge to make it a formal condition of his bail. He clearly needs help and maybe this is an opportunity to get him some. I would think in his state, you should try for a program closer to 90 days than the typical 30.

It's really shocking how easily potentially devastating and dangerous prescription drugs are simply prescribed without second thought. Prescription drug addiction is such a massive problem and doesn't get nearly the attention it deserves. I really hope everything works out for your son. Let's pray this is the wake up call that will get him to change..

God Bless

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My 29-year-old Son is Addicted to Prescription Drugs and Currently in Jail - Should I Bail Him Out?

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I'm afraid they're right
by: Greg A

I always find it sad to see loved ones falling into the abyss of addiction. Although she is still alive today, I lost my mother to prescription drug addiction as far back as the mid-50's.

It all started when she suffered a head injury during a car crash caused by my fathers' drunken driving. Soon afterward, following an eye doctor's appointment stemming from the accident, she fell down a flight of steps, seriously injuring her back. Before long she was being presribed several medications from 3 different doctors. She quickly lost all interest in raising her children, preferring instead to stay numb and detached from the world around her.

To lay the blame on the doctors would be to deny the fact that she manipulated them to obtain as many drugs as possible. She's still doing it, although it's gotten more difficult to play the multiple doctor game.

Indeed, a few years ago in the town of Chandler, Arizona, a young middle-class woman who had tried to purchase pain pills on a forged prescription was shot and killed at a Walgreens Pharmacy. The police officer who responded to the 911 call from Walgreens said he shot her because she tried to run him over. Charged with murder for the killing, he was acquitted by a jury.

In the cases of your son, my mother, the woman who is no longer there to raise her children and millions of others who live in the darkness of prescription drug addiction, who are we to condemn for their affliction and who are we to acquit? This question is not easily answered.

We do know this with certainty: it is the responsibility of the addict to find recovery for his or herself and no one elses, no matter how they became addicted. I know from my own experience as a recovering alcoholic that this is true. For years I blamed my parents for my addiction which prolonged my self-destructive abuse. However, they may have created an environment that encouraged 3 out of their 6 children to seek chemical relief, the addiction is still mine to overcome and no one elses.

I also know from experience that when my 2nd and 3rd wives quit enabling and allowed me to experience the full consequences of my behavior, sobriety became a lot more attractive. As difficult as it is to leave your son in jail and to look him in the eyes and tell him exactly why you're not bailing him out--I know because I put a daughter in jail twice and returned a friend to prison who was on the lam--the alternative is worse. If you soften the sting of the negative consequences you eliminate the only thing that's keeping him straight--incarceration--and you'll be teaching him once again that he can get away with his drugging because Mom will come to the rescue.

Stand firm on the "non-enabling" principal. Don't cave in and don't blame yourself. Addicts are very adept at exploiting the guilt that parents feel about their addiction so don't go there for his sake as well as your own.

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Submitted by: Greg A

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I always find it sad to see loved ones falling into the abyss of addiction. Although she is still alive today, I lost my mother to prescription drug addiction as far back as the mid-50's. It all started when she suffered a head injury during a car crash caused by my fathers' drunken driving. Soon afterward, following an eye doctor's appointment stemming from the accident, she fell down a flight of steps, seriously injuring her back. Before long she was being presribed several medications from 3 different doctors. She quickly lost all interest in raising her children, preferring instead to stay numb and detached from the world around her. To lay the blame on the doctors would be to deny the fact that she manipulated them to obtain as many drugs as possible. She's still doing it, although it's gotten more difficult to play the multiple doctor game. Indeed, a few years ago in the town of Chandler, Arizona, a young middle-class woman who had tried to purchase pain pills on a forged prescription was shot and killed at a Walgreens Pharmacy. The police officer who responded to the 911 call from Walgreens said he shot her because she tried to run him over. Charged with murder for the killing, he was acquitted by a jury. In the cases of your son, my mother, the woman who is no longer there to raise her children and millions of others who live in the darkness of prescription drug addiction, who are we to condemn for their affliction and who are we to acquit? This question is not easily answered. We do know this with certainty: it is the responsibility of the addict to find recovery for his or herself and no one elses, no matter how they became addicted. I know from my own experience as a recovering alcoholic that this is true. For years I blamed my parents for my addiction which prolonged my self-destructive abuse. However, they may have created an environment that encouraged 3 out of their 6 children to seek chemical relief, the addiction is still mine to overcome and no one elses. I also know from experience that when my 2nd and 3rd wives quit enabling and allowed me to experience the full consequences of my behavior, sobriety became a lot more attractive. As difficult as it is to leave your son in jail and to look him in the eyes and tell him exactly why you're not bailing him out--I know because I put a daughter in jail twice and returned a friend to prison who was on the lam--the alternative is worse. If you soften the sting of the negative consequences you eliminate the only thing that's keeping him straight--incarceration--and you'll be teaching him once again that he can get away with his drugging because Mom will come to the rescue. Stand firm on the "non-enabling" principal. Don't cave in and don't blame yourself. Addicts are very adept at exploiting the guilt that parents feel about their addiction so don't go there for his sake as well as your own.

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I don't think you should
by: C-P

Hi Donna ... bailing your son out before hasn't made any difference, so by ensuring the reality of his actions hit home by him sitting in jail for a while, might give him the wake up call he so badly needs. Bailing out effectively means you're enabling. You know that's the worst thing to do for an addict. Of course it won't be easy watching your son sitting in jail, but showing that kind of tough love may in the long-term be the best possible thing for him.