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Many Chances, Same Results - My Struggle With Alcohol

by Jason
(FL)

I am going on 10 years of marriage and I love my wife and kids more than anything in the world yet I still drink. I am not violent, I am very involved with my kids and I am a good dad.

I don't go out often but when I do its to the point I black out. For my whole life it has been the same thing - get drunk, live the moment, and narrowly escape trouble. I have been pulled over many times and always got away. How many more chances do I have?

There is alcoholism and depression in my family and I fear how I will end up. I have given my wife many sleepless nights either by not coming home or coming in at 4-5am. She has threatened me with divorce, separation, and the possibility of not seeing my kids yet it doesn't phase me.

I have a great job, new house, and money in the bank yet I still push forward with the same lifestyle. I hate putting her through this yet she is still here. I can't say I will not drink again or if I will still continue the same pattern but what I can say is that I will not drink today, we will see about tomorrow. Day by day.

Comments for Many Chances, Same Results - My Struggle With Alcohol

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Jul 15, 2011
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You have been lucky so far...
by: Anonymous

I was on the other end of this situation for 6 years. My husband skated by too. No dui's, I didn't leave him, he had a high paying job and we had a nice home and family. When I had finally had enough I divorced him. It took 5 years, but he slowly lost his home, his new fiancee, custodee of his two daughters, and was in rehab 5 times and hospitalized more times than I can count. He was pretty confident before we divorced. But I was enabling him to continue to live a semi normal life and still drink like he did. Now he is in a 1 year treatment program with no outside contact. Before that he was pretty much homeless. I hope you are ok now. The messages I read were from a while ago. Please get help and don't end up like my ex.

Feb 09, 2010
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Life Is Better Sober
by: Anonymous

I have been married to my husband for nine years. We have two beautiful, young children. My husband drinks vodka about three or four nights per week and lies about it and denies it. When I confront him about it, he takes off and doesn't answer the phone or my texts and comes home whenever he wants. Many times when I have to work the next morning. I, too, stay up worrying about him, not only because I love him, but also because I need to go to work and need to know if he is coming home so I can make arrangements for my kids. It is very selfish of him and I am starting to resent him for all the nights he takes from me and the kids. All the peaceful sleep I am missing. Even though my husband used to be what I considered the "perfect husband" and is still involved with the kids when he is not drinking, he spends so much of the time drinking that I am miserable and I resent him for it. I get nervous pulling into my driveway from work, wondering what kind of state he will be in. My husband just got out of a one week inpatient alcohol treatment facility and he is already back at the drinking and lying. Please, if you know you have a problem, you should seek help and take it seriously, like I wish my husband would. Alcoholism is such a waste of life. Life is much better lived sober. It is only a matter of time before your wife has had too much and follows through with her threats. I never thought I would want to live a life without my husband, but now I am starting to think that is what I need.

Jan 18, 2010
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Your family is worth more than booze...
by: Anonymous

You say you're a good dad, which you probably are when you're home and sober, but you're allowing yourself to be completely irresponsible when you drive drunk whether you get caught or not.

What would you do if your 17 year old drove your car drunk and stayed out until 5 am? You'd take the car away, of course! And if they asked why you're taking their driving privleages away you'd probably tell them because it's illegal and dangerous and down right stupid, and you'd be right. So what makes it any different for you?

I've 'gotten away' with driving drunk on numerous occasions, but my wife made good on her threats and left me, taking the kids with her. My daughters have little use for me now, and one of them is showing all the signs of early alcohol addiction. And I thought I was a good dad, too. I just liked to drink with the boys and I work hard and need to unwind, I told her.

The fact is that it is incumbent upon us as parents and spouses and law abiding citizens to do what it takes to live up to our responsibilities and to not engage in criminal activity--as in driving drunk--and this goes beyond just bringing home the bacon and BS's our way out of a DUI.

We tell ourselves we deserve to "have a few drinks", as if we're so put upon by our jobs. Yet the fact is that taking care of a house and raising children is much more stressful then going to work. I've done both, so I know. Kids can do things to their full time care givers that an employer could never get away with. As one friend who lost his wife to cancer said, "I had no idea how much she did until I had to do it myself."

Giving our wives many sleepless nights--wondering if we're in bed with some bar fly or wrapped around a tree--is spousal abuse and they don't deserve it. You may be addicted to alcohol like I am--you've certainly got some of the signs--and it is also your responsibility to do what it takes to get and stay sober.

Drive past the bars and get yourself to AA meetings to learn from other alcohol addicted people and get qualified professional help using the money you blew on booze before you end up wrecking your family like I did. Your wife and children will love you even more if do, and leave you if you don't.

Jan 16, 2010
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Thanks for Sharing
by: C-P

Thanks for sharing your story Jason. You raise some good points - just take it day by day, and one step at a time being the crucial one's.

But as you realise - you're treading a very fine line. You've gotten away with your drinking pretty unscathed this far, but who's to say that's going to continue? Your wife might eventually decide she's had enough ... and because alcoholism is a progressive disease in that it gets worse over time, you might still superficially be able to lead a great lifestyle now - but that can very quickly start tumbling down.

You've crossed a very significant threshold in that you realise you have a problem. It's what you DO about it now that counts. A problem with alcohol is not something you just wish away or use a bit of will power to overcome. Most people need to get professional help and receive the support of others through proper recovery programs. So I suggest you give those some serious thought. Now is the time to ACT - don't delay taking action, because by then it could be too late.

All the Best

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