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Just Venting Because My No Good Drug Addict and Alcoholic Boyfriend Has Let Me Down Again

by Amanda
(GB)

I just feel like I need to vent because I’ve been let down AGAIN by my drug addicted, alcoholic, doesn’t give a damn about anyone but himself boyfriend.


I had an important awards function at work coming up and he promised me he would be clean and sober so he could come with me. It meant a lot to me because I was receiving a special achievement award and so wanted him there to share that with me. And it’s not really the kind of event you want to go to alone anyway.

I gave him close on two months notice and asked him really nicely, in fact practically pleaded, that just for this one night he stay off the drugs and alcohol, so that he’d be able to share the occasion with me.

The big day arrives and guess what? I get home from work for us to begin getting ready and he’s so high and out of it, he’s practically comatose. So of course he can’t come with me, and an evening that should’ve been a highlight for me, was totally ruined because I was so angry and upset.

This kind of things keeps on happening, but I keep hoping the next time will be different. I almost feel like I’m making too much of a big deal about this (like he tries to tell me), but it’s more about the fact that being let down like this happens all the time. Why I put up with him still I don’t know?

Answer



As sad and frustrating as your situation is, it is unfortunately the reality of life with a drug addict/alcoholic. Addiction is a selfish disease. The addict ends up thinking of no one but themselves. If, and until your boyfriend gets clean, the situation is unlikely to change.

Remember your choice in all this - choosing to stay in a relationship with someone who continues to behave in the way they do because of their addiction. Maybe it’s time you empower yourself to insist that if your boyfriend want to keep you as his girlfriend, he gets helps and comes clean, or you’re going to find someone you can rely and depend on.

I know that isn’t easy, but if you don’t make that choice, it’s unlikely much will change. You said it yourself, why do you still put up with him? You might have codependency issues that need addressing. I think it’s time you start deciding what is going to best for YOU in the long run, no matter how hard those decisions may be, and then trusting everything will work out for the best.

I'm sure it will.
Take Care.



Comments for Just Venting Because My No Good Drug Addict and Alcoholic Boyfriend Has Let Me Down Again

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Aug 22, 2009
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Love and Frear
by: Tamar

The one thing I have learned through painful experience is that an addict's lying, stealing, breaking promises, and continuing to use has nothing to do with how much love he may or may not have for you or anyone else. The decision to change just won't work if it is based on fear of disappointing or losing someone; it has to come out of the realization that he wants a sober life for himself. What brings someone finally to such a decision is often a stream of negative consequences. But not always. It is often hard to know what makes the light come on. Some people just start going to meetings and they get it. Others go through rehab...very often multiple rehabs until they finally get it. Its different for everyone. But it isn't about you and it never was. It is OK to love an addict but be very careful with expectations and most important, learn how to set boundaries. Alanon can help with that and there are some wonderful books on codependency that you can pick up. Its not about bashing the addict but learning how to honor and take care of ourselves. I believe that we all operate out of "fear" or "love". Which of these is the driving force in your not wanting to leave? At all costs, be honest with yourself about what is healthy for you....

Aug 21, 2009
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Take Care
by: Anonymous

Unfortunately addicts/alcoholics attract people who want to fix them and take care of them!!! and that would be us... and we seem to depend on them to make us happy and that is where the challenge comes in. They continuously let us down and make us feel like it is our fault and make us feel guilty. The disease will detroy your mental being, your relationships, your finances and everything in between!! Love him but let go ...take care of yourself because no one else will, except God.

Aug 21, 2009
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I know
by: Amanda

I know I don't need to stay with him, but it is hard to think about leaving. As much as he lets me down, I do love him and see the potential he has, if only he could get himself together. I know things can't carry on like this forever, but I haven't given up hope yet. Thanks for letting me vent.

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