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I Fell in Love With a Drug Addict ... and am now Heartbroken

by Irma
(Ypsilanti, MI)

Three years ago I fell in love with a drug addict and I treated him like he was a king, but I never felt that he had the same love for me.

I remember only 2 months in the whole time, that he was very nice, other than that he was demanding, selfish and stubborn.

He then decided that he doesn't want to be with me any more. But what worries me, is that I still love him and I want to return .... it's been three months since we broke up and I feel misarable everyday. I'm thinking that I have a more severe problem than him.

Thank you for letting me write.

Answer

Hi Irma

As hard as it seems, think of it for the best that you are no longer with him. You say you were together for three years, but felt that for only two months during that WHOLE period he was nice to you and treated you well. Why would you want to be with a man like that?

But despite knowing that someone is bad for us and that being in a relationship with an addict probably isn't healthy, it's almost impossible to control our feelings ... and so end up falling in love with that person anyway. That's okay. Don't beat yourself up about that.

The main thing is to remember that time heals a broken heart. As bad as you feel now, know that in time you will begin to feel better and will no doubt meet someone else again. But the main thing is that you learn from this experience, and make sure that the next time you fall in love, it's with someone who treats you well and respects you for who you are.

So be gentle with yourself and give yourself the opportunity to heal. Find things you enjoy doing and focus on yourself for now and soon enough you'll feel much happier and at peace again.

God Bless

Comments for I Fell in Love With a Drug Addict ... and am now Heartbroken

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Aug 27, 2013
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The mother of my son is an addict and in denial.
by: Anonymous

First of all I would like to say that unfortunately I am very in love with this woman. We met three years ago and had a child. My frustration comes with her lies. I am a very giving person and she is a "taker". I am losing her, her constant excuses - you can always tell when an addict (I'm on suboxone for 5 years myself) is lying but I don't have the energy to push her on every single one. She spends all of her time with this friend of hers that is also an addict. I don't want to lose my son while breaking it off with her and I feel so stuck and lonely. I have given everything to her and its never enough. I know when she gets her meds and they are always gone before she can refill them. I don't know what to do anymore and I feel weak for not being able to break it off. Any suggestions?

Aug 14, 2013
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hurting deep inside
by: Anonymous

im hurting right now iknow how you feel i been with my man for five years dont get me wrong he is at times agood man. i knew what he was and he was worst but when we got together he changed alot stoped drinking and useing he looked real healthy then he was doing a little iknew he would be home not on the steets i star seeing a diffen man a evil man that i hate say things tha werent true lies all the time iwas going crazy fighting he made me feel like i was nothing he could not even say sorry what is atrip about it he would be so good to me at night and maybe a few days we were good.but once the dope is good for him be hatefull to me i love hime so much but im tired of what we go thougt iwish they could feel pain hurt.i made him leave he still comes by but still cant say sorry its only been three days i cant stop the tears but i need to be strong! god bless you and be strong!

Apr 17, 2013
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I don't no
by: Anonymous

I am an addict. I met a girl back when drugs were just a fun thing to do. Before they took over my life. While we both fell madly in love and planned our lives together our drug dependency grew to a disgusting extent. I eventually got sober and straightened up. However the women I fell in love with didn't and our breaking up sent her in a downward spiral. Now that I know and understand recovery I try so hard to help her and talk to her about everything but she just can not stay clean. We are still very much in love but we both understand we can't be together given our situation. What hurts the most is we are each others biggest trigger because we went through all of it together and now the best way to help her is to stay away, but at the same time it's so hard because I'm really the only person in her life that can help her. I just don't no how to handle the situation. If I lost her I don't no how I'd deal with it and I'm afraid it will bring me back into active addiction. I wish I could just get over her and move on but after 2 years I'm not even close.
I don't no, thanks for hearing me.

Feb 06, 2013
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my heart is breaking in half
by: rebecca bellante

DOES ANY BODY WANT TO HEAR MY STORY? I FELL IN LOVE WITH A DRUG ADDICT IN PRISON WHO I MET THREW A FRIEND, I FELL IN LOVE WITH HIM HE BECAME MY SOULMATE. AND WE BEEN TOGETHER FOR4 Y EARS. THIS WHOLE TIME HE HAS BEEN USING ME AND MY MONEY FOR ME TO WESTERN UNION MONEY TO PEOPLE FOR DRUGS. I BECAME HIS ENABLER. BECUZ I FELL IN LOVE WITH HIM. HE IS A PRISONER. WE HAVE EVERYTHING IN COMMON, WE BOTH EQUALLY HVE THE SAME LOVE FOR EACH OTHER. HE HAS BEEN A DRUG ADDICT HIS WHOLE LIFE. THIS IS WHAT HE DOES, HE GETS CLEAN FOR 2 MONTHS, THEN RELAPSES, STARTS HANGING OUT ON THE COMPOUND WITH THEE OTHER INMATES, HANGS OUT SMOKES CRACK AND K2, WHEN HE KNOWS HE DOESNT HAVE MONEY TO PAY FOR IT. THEN HE CALLS ME UP TO PAY OFF HIS DEBT. AND WHEN I CANT PAY IT, HE ENDS UP GOING TO CONFINEMENT. HE WILL LIE, CHEAT, AND STEAL JUST TO GET HIGH.HE HAS BEEN TRANSFERED 8 TIMES IN 4 YEARS DUE TO NOT PAYING HIS DEBTS OFF AND HIS LIFE BEING IN DANGER OF INMATES HARMING HIM. I CRY ABOUT THIS SHIT. HE DOESNT KNOW THAT HES DOING IT TO ME EVRYTIME HE DOES IT, IT HURTS ME SOO BAD. THERE IS NO REMORSE, THERE IS NO APOLIGIES, THERS JUST ALWAYS EXCUSES. AND I SIT HERE AND CRY ABOUT IT, BECUZ HE IS THIS BEAUTIFUL MAN, HE IS A HOLY MAN , HE IS A SPIRITUAL MAN, HE IS A LOVING, BEAUTIFUL AND COMPASSIONATE MAN, HE IS THIS BEAUTIFUL PERSON INSIDE,ITS JUST THE DRUGS THAT DESTROY HIM. IM IN TEARS AS I TYPE THIS. MY HEART IS IN PAIN. BUT I SIT HERE WITH GRACE TEARS RUNNING DOWN MY FACE BECUZ I LOVE HIM UNCONDITIONALLY. AND I KNOW HE CAN BE GOOD, IVE SEEN HIM BE GOOD SO MAN TIMES AT 2 TO 3 MONTHS TIMES HELL BE GOOD. I JUST SIT HERE AND I CRY. SOMEBODY I NEED A HUG, IM TORE UP AND IM BESIDE MYSELF.

Feb 22, 2012
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still in love
by: Anonymous

I met and fell in love with an addict ten years ago who had 18 months of sobriety when we met. We were together seven years. Some of our time together was the very best of my life, and some were the most heartbreaking times of my life. I hoped that after almost three years apart that I would be over her, but I am still as much in love with her as I ever was. Not a day goes by that I don't think about her and try to think of a way we could be happily together again. I am succumbing to the fact that despite her addiction she is the love of my life. I have tried and tried to change my feelings for her...to stay angry, and bitter and disappointed, but it never happens. I understand this means I am as sick as she is. I've been through many therapists. I feel destined to be by her side through thick and thin. I fear one of these days she is going to do just a little too much and I will get a phone call saying she is gone...and I didn't spend her last days with her. So many demons.

Dec 07, 2011
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Common
by: Anonymous

I too fell in love with a drug addict.
After only a month of dating. I became addict to meth. He introduced me to it. It's been three year now. We are not together anymore. But I still love him with all my heart. He's still using and I was clean for a year but recently started to use again. I understand your pain. I thought I'd be over him by now, but I was so wrong. I know I love him so much more than he will ever love me. He constantly treats me terribly, but I still want to be with him.

Apr 28, 2010
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me to
by: Anonymous

I to am in love with a drug addict,it starded out small things at frist,hey babe can i get $ 20 from u, then it went to, i am out on the job and have a flat and no spare, i am sending someone over there to get some money, i hope i make it home, love you, then it went to stealing the kids christmas gifts, brithday gifts, he was always very sorry for what he did, and told me it doesnt matter how good a wife you are or how good you are in bed, when they go on benge,nothing else matters, i was always there to pick him up from jail, or to cover or replace what he had taken from others, he moved out and i would trun my phone off, he would ask why is your phone off i might need you, they get so use to you being there for them, i have just sold my house and moveing out of state, i guess the point to this is, yes i still love him, i love him so much i have to let him hit rock bottom, alone, no wife, no kids, no home, maybe then he will see what love is.

Oct 29, 2009
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HOPE THIS HELPS
by: Anonymous

I am sorry for you. Yes, the same exact thing happened to me. The only difference was that it was 2 years and I treated him like a King as well. I don't really know what to do but I am starting with attending meetings both NA and Alanon. Hopefully this will help thru the process. I think your having the hardest time like I was I am over it more now but because you don't understand. You don't understand why he doesn't want to be with you after you treated him so well. I don't completely understand it either but I have talked to recovering addicts about this and they all say the same thing. They say the addicts number one priority is drugs and that they cannot have obligations like girlfriend, wife, kids, especially when the significant other isn't using. Talk about it, go to meetings, maybe that will help you in the recovery process as well. You may have become co-dependent, or the enabler.

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