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I Am "In Love" with a Heroin Addict.

by Kay

Hi there. If anyone reading this is "In love" with an addict, I can honestly say, "I know how you feel." I too, have a heroin addicted boyfriend. I am 19 years old and just recently helped him come to the realization that he was an addict.


It took so much time and effort to get him to admit to me what all he had been lying and hiding from me over the past 6 months. Everyday was a constant struggle from the day I realized he had a problem for myself, to the day I got HIM to admit to me he was abusing heroin.

Knowing the truth about his addiction and not being able to get HIM to admit is is probably the most frustrating thing I have ever experienced. Every night I cried myself to sleep not knowing what to do. The question lingered in my head, "Should I break up with him b/c of his addiction and the constant lying? Because I'm better than that?

OR Should I stay with him and do everything in my power to help him get better, for fear if the addiction goes on any longer he will overdose?" I'd been with this kid over 2 years at this point and I was completely lost. My own personal well-being was suffering more than I realized at the time.

Once we talked and he agreed to check into a rehab program - a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders and there was such a sense of relief in the air. I knew him being there would keep him completely clean and in the right direction to a clean future. Sadly, the trust I once had in him was completely shattered the moment I found everything out.

Thinking back on how awful he treated me while he was using - makes me sick. Everyday he lied and manipulated me. Borrowing money, for things such as "gas, bills, car repairs, cigarettes, etc" because he had lost a lot of hours at work and was low on money. And then finding out - all the money I gave him was used towards buying dope. It makes me sick.

Never actually being where he told me he was - was another problem. Never wanting to hangout or see me because he had "other" stuff he had to do (like going to the city to buy, and all other business associated with "dealing"). I was no longer his first priority, and I don't even think I was a priority at all. His whole life revolved around the process of getting high.

I'm sure you know exactly what I'm talking about. When you are in love with an addict your life changes in more ways than you will ever know. Our relationship has taken a 180 degree turn - for the worst. Like they say, there isn't a relationship without trust and communication, two things our relationship is clearly lacking.

Today, he has been out of rehab for a little over a month. Signs of him wanting to change at the beginning were wonderful. Going to meetings like AA and NA, attending intensive outpatient treatment and regularly talking to his sponsor were all evident. I finally felt like our lives were beginning to change for the better, I had yet again SUCH an immense feeling of relief.

Obviously, I continued to doubt his word but still in the back of my head I tried to believe everything he was saying. He began treating me better, paying more attention to me - and this made me so happy. Currently (month and a half after treatment) things seem to be getting worse like we are going in a 1 step forward 2 step back kind of pattern.

My gut feeling of him having the intention of living a sober lifestyle has changed. I have zero trust or faith in him, he rarely makes an effort to talk to me let alone see me, he doesn’t go to meetings, and I don’t remember the last time he talked to his sponsor. My worst nightmare is becoming a reality - a relapse.

I haven’t noticed any for-sure signs he is using again but just the way our relationship is slipping away - really saddens me. And sitting here now writing this - we are currently together but I'm seriously rethinking my relationship and future with him.

Once you deal with an addict for so long - and they don’t prove to you they want to change, their fate is no longer in yours or anybody else's hands - the only person that can help them is themselves. This is why it is so common to see addicts all alone, they put their addiction above all people and things in their lives - and after while it really takes a toll on the people who love them.

DRUGS AND ALCOHOL CHANGE PEOPLE. My boyfriend is NOT the same guy he was when I met him - and just thinking about it makes me tear up. It hurts me both mentally AND physically. This experience has changed my life in more ways than I can tell you. Everything about me is different, my emotional state, my trust in people, and my physical well being has greatly declined.

Having to worry EVERY SECOND of your life about your loved ones addiction forces you to put their problems and needs before your own, and THIS has been the hardest part for me. I have lost myself, in my search for the guy I once fell so deeply in love with.

If I can give you any advice it is, to not lose sight of your own needs, while trying to help your addict. Give them a chance to change for you - and if they decide to change because of your efforts then that’s GREAT NEWS, you helped save someone's life.

If they continue to display the same choices and the same lifestyle, then it's time to let go. You did your part in trying to help - but at this point it is beyond your control- they must now live with their decision to not accept help from someone who truly cared about them.



If like Kay you're in a relationship with a heroin or drug addict, Help Me! I'm in Love With an Addict is a book you need to get yourself.

It will help you understand how best to deal with your addicted partner/spouse, provide you with strategies on how best to help him/her, and tell you exactly what you need to do to get your own life back on track again.

If you're at your wits end with your relationship and need answers fast, then this is a book that can help you. Coping with drug addiction is one of the most difficult things imaginable to have to deal with in a relationship, so Help Me! I'm in Love With an Addict will help you navigate that journey and teach you how to come out the other side ... in one piece.




Comments for I Am "In Love" with a Heroin Addict.

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Feb 04, 2012
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Me too
by: Anonymous

I was and am in the same situation, but was not as strong as you - I became addicted too. It hit me the night we got kicked out and had to sleep under a bridge because, well, you find out who your true friends are and we had none. Then I went to jail. But once I was released (and CLEAN), I relapsed. The biggest mistake of my life. I'm currently 7 days clean and am trying to get my life back on track. Him on the other hand, I'm not sure if he'll ever change.. I'm just not sure I can let him go when I'm the only one he has. Good luck to you and yours.

Nov 07, 2011
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wow
by: calvin larsen

this was all very powerfull and i was shocked to hear some of the things i did. Being a herion addict is like haveing another girlfriend. it will never leave ur side and if so u will be depressed and wont be able to sleep. i love kailey more then any other girl i have ever been with but with the herion in my life that was first.

Oct 04, 2011
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very true
by: Anonymous

Everything u just said is exactly what I'm going thru my bf is actually in the car nodding while I'm in the house eating lunch sad but true

Oct 02, 2011
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I knew it was coming
by: Kay

Hi this is the girl who wrote the story. I'm sad to say that I just recently left the man that i'm referring to in this story. He relapsed and we started the process all over again. It's taken too much out of me and he now must deal with it all on his own.

Sep 29, 2011
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"In Love" and been there
by: Anonymous

Hi, I am 50 years old, my ex 53. We were married 26 years. We had one year of sobriety in between. It's a very long road if you choose to take it. I would think long and hard. Addicts are very selfish, not meaning to be, but they are. I became an alcoholic myself about ten years ago, after our teens were raised and we realized we had nothing in common. We love and care for one another, but are toxic for one another in the hopes of having a healthy, productive live. Sad, yes, but life does go on and we are in control of it.

Good luck. I am still working on it!

Sep 28, 2011
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Wonderful Story
by: Anonymous

So incredibly true. you are a true inspiration. thank you So much for sharing.

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