I Am an Alcoholic Mother of Three. My Husband Left Me and I am Lost.
Well, I have had so many chances to make our relationship work, but I never did stop drinking. We've been separated for 2 weeks. I still cannot stop drinking, I lost everything.
He took our car, I had to leave our home, and I am now living back with my parents. I am guilty of so much. I can't sleep, eat, or function at work. He will not talk to me, except about our daughter. The oldest two are from a previous relationship, but only knew him to be their Father.
He now has a great life as a single man, he isn't suffering like I am. I have begged through emails and phone calls ... but he only gets more upset. Told me to move on, and to live my life. I am going to AA meetings, but sometimes as soon as I leave there I stop and get something to drink.
I try going to the gym but then again I fail to make it there sometimes when I am too drunk. My parents enable me to drink. As long as I am in my room with the door shut, they don't care. My ten year old hates me. I've hurt her so much.
My friends don't understand or believe in me any longer. I am a complete eff up ... no matter what comes out of my mouth I always end up making the wrong choices. I've hurt this guy so much I don't blame him for leaving me. I only blame myself.
But it's insane the way I pursue him. It's like I will not give up. I want him back in my life ... and to know I can't drives me mad. That's all that matters to me know is how to get him back to me. When people tell me to let go ... those two words burn me like fire. I AM A SICK PERSON ... What should I do to get through this hell??
Understand that you have alcoholism which is a complex illness that requires you to undergo a spiritual, mental and emotional transformation if you're ever going to overcome it
And as much as what's happened to you now feels like a kick in the guts - it could actually turn out to be a blessing in the long-term, because hopefully you'll use this pain to motivate you to start making changes.
Unfortunately with alcoholism, things often have to get so bad before we break through our denial and can admit our powerlessness to control it - so that we reach the point where we'll do whatever it takes to beat the thing.
So as much as what's happened seems like your life is falling apart, it actually also presents you with an opportunity to make the decision that you're going to get serious about your problem and do whatever it takes to overcome it.
Ideally you want to be going through a proper treatment program like you'll find at an alcohol rehab
facility. That's something your medical insurance can fund or if you don't have that, look for inexpensive government subsidized facilities on the samhsa.gov website.
But whether you get to rehab or not doesn't need to be a deal breaker. Because if you work at 12 steps properly you get taught at AA meetings, you'll undergo a massive spiritual, emotional and mental transformation and be able to leave a life of addiction behind you for good. It's not the meetings in and of themselves that make the difference (even though they do obviously help) - it's working the 12 steps where the real change happens.
So find yourself a sponsor that has lots of sobriety under their belts and knows the steps inside out. And get working! Alcoholism is essentially a spiritual problem - and the 12 steps a spiritual program. That's why they work. People don't relapse or fail to beat their addiction because AA doesn't work - it's because they don't properly work the steps.
You've reached a massive crossroads in your life - the choice is now yours which way to choose. And trust that if you do find sobriety and manage to turn your life around - everything else will fall into place in the end, including your relationships etc.
You can do this! Good Luck and God Bless.