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His Other Love: How Heroin Stole My Husband

by Cindy
(N.C.)

12 years we had been together. I knew Tom had some issues when I met him but by the time I found out the extent of his problems I was in too deep to walk out.


Tom was a heroin addict and for the first 4 years of our relationship I dealt with it, ignorneed it, accepted it. It really was a horrible time.

Then I got pregnant with our first child and I gave him the ultimatum - and to my complete surprise it worked. .. he went into treatment and followed an excellent recovery programme. 7 years and two more children and life was good.

Then I started to notice a change in Tom, becoming moody and secretive .... I really thought he was having an affair but a photograph on a camera (taken by my young child) told a different story... sure we had all aged but in the photo Tom looked gaunt and empty.

I challenged him - was it heroin? He of course denied it and I swore to him that if I found out it was I would take the children and leave. It only took 3 months for me to get the definitive answer ... she was back - good old Miss Heroin.

So I did as I promised - I left. No arguing, no confrontation, nothing. It broke my heart to leave but I couldnt take that life again - I couldnt put my children through it .... I loved Tom I just hated his addiction.

After that Tom barely managed to function - he was a complete full blown addict again. We kept minimal contact and all our dealings were revolved around the children. Life went on and even though he was still an addict he was able to lead a half functioning life eventually.

I really hoped he would get himself clean for his childrens sake. Late last year I got the call - Tom had been found dead with a needle in his arm.

She won, she got him in the end and left 3 beautiful children without a father. I felt so guilty - had my leaving him made his addiction worse .... that still haunts me sometimes.

I still mourn my lost life, my childrens lost lives and I do mourn Tom - I loved him til the day he died, but I just couldn't handle the addiction.

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Sep 21, 2012
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Sorry for your loss
by: Christina

After reading your story I feel horrible. Only because I'm the addict and my husband never used drugs in his life. I also use the needle and you just don't think it would or could happen to you. I've relapsed many times and I'm going to do it cold turkey on Monday when the kids are not with me. It is my only way. I started when I was 36 and I'm now 40. Four years of pure hell. My children are getting older and now know of the relapses. I want to live a normal life without this devil drug on my back. I'm so sorry but don't blame yourself either. If he was still in the house the kids could have actually seen it happen. I'm sure you want them to remember their father in a different way. You could only do so much, but I can understand how you feel. Now he is in a better place. Life is hard and we tend to use drugs to cover the pain. Which only makes it worse. I'm going to change to be a better person for myself and my husband and my kids. I want to see the day I have grand kids. Wish you the best and pray.

Sep 11, 2012
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Its Not Your fault
by: Anonymous

God Bless You. I understand what you are going through. I son father is an heroin addict. We are not together and whenever we break up his addiction seems to shine through. I love him, but first and formost I am a mother. God forbid something should happen to him, but I cannot live my life worring about his.Just like you could not live your life worring about his addiction...especially when children are involved. You did the right thing, after all what else could you do? Any other option may have caused pain to the children...what if he would have passed in your home and all of you children wittnessed the tradegy? Continue to pray and give yourself time to heal, but do not blame yourself.

Sep 02, 2012
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Tragic
by: Anonymous

So sad, so tragic. God Bless you. You'll get through this, but give it time. Losing a loved one to an addiction is terrible. Take comfort from the fact that there is nothing you could have done. He's in a better place so remember the good times you shared and try make peace with the fact that everything happens for a reason - even if we don't always understand what they are.

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