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His Alcoholism Drives Me Crazy....

I get violent. I still believe him when he tells me how much he loves me and actually trust him and we get close again. Then he drinks and becomes a horrid, ugly, evil, bad bad man. I freak out, I cry for days, breakdown.


I throw and break things. I am so sad when he chooses to drink. Not only do I take it as a personal rejection, I am heartbroken that he doesn't love 'us' enough to stay full time. I hope this makes sense, am at my wits end and just want the madness to stop! thanks for your help .. truly.







Answer



Your husband doesn't hurt you intentionally, but unfortunately he has got a serious illness called alcoholism, and so the way he behaves is just part of the insanity of his addiction.

It in no way excuses his behavior, but means you should just try not to take it personally. But at the same time, by not taking a firm stand and making it clear to him that things can't continue as they are, you let the cycle of addiction simply continue.

Your husband needs help. And going through a proper alcoholism addiction treatment program would be a good place to start. So you want to try and do everything you can to facilitate that - and if need be even do a proper intervention.

Losing it yourself doesn't help the situation in any way. Of course it hurts like hell, but you have to try and counter his insanity and chaos - with calm, strength and love. And the best way to love your husband right now is to confront his alcoholism and do whatever you can to get him the help he needs.

Take Care and Good Luck

Comments for His Alcoholism Drives Me Crazy....

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Jun 27, 2011
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I have to walk away for my own sanity
by: Anonymous

I totally understand your predicament. I've been with my partner on and off for 7 years and its been the biggest and most stressful rollercoaster I've ever been on. His alcoholism and depression have got so bad that I can see the pattern every 2 weeks. He holds it down for couple of weeks then goes on a mad drinking bender with his alcoholic loser friends for a few days. In this time he is horrible, uncaring, unloving, unhelpful, selfish. Then he beats himself up over his awful behaviour begging me to forgive him that he will change. I dont doubt he loves me and I love him dearly but love is not enough. Addiction is a serious problem which affects everyone involved in that persons life. My children don't deserve the treatment they get when he is drunk and disorderly as he can get verbally vicious if they challenge him. I get just as much but its easier for me to take it than them. He recently started alcohol counselling and facing up to his addiction and anti-depressants. Within 2 weeks though he has relapsed and badly. It was his last chance. I have since decided to up sticks and move near my family and away from him. He will never let me go otherwise and I feel desperately unhappy. I feel the only way I will ever deal with it is totally away from him. I can honestly say the alcohol will always win the day unless they realise themselves its destroying their lives.

Oct 17, 2010
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I understand
by: Anonymous

Oh boy can I relate. My son is 30 and in and out of drugs and alcohal.There were times when I felt so angry and enraged. I hated the person I was when he did this to us. I felt so trapped. There are no correct answers and everyone is different. My son battles bipolar as well. I finally told him he needed to be out of our house. He found a room and I helped him a lot. We paid every 3rd week,drove him back and forth to work,let him stay weekends etc. It has been a year and we had some healthy times. But he kept relapsing and now he is totally out and I have not spoken to him or seen him for 3 weeks. My heart aches but I cannot live in the insanity anymore.I will not tell you what you should do. When the time is right you will make the right decision for you. Just remember they have to fix themselves. Try to do it with gentleness. If you are giving him an ultimatum----have options----go into rehab, hospital etc. But do not beat yourself up. JUst take care of yourself----physically,mentally and spiritually. I hope he gets it. It is a wonderful thing when they do!!!! God bless!!!!

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