Do I Have the Strength to Drop my Alcoholic Brother Off at the Homeless Shelter???

by Nina
(Morgantown)

My alcoholic brother has lived with me and my husband since our mother died 2 years ago. Brother "B" has not held a job for 15 years, as our mother enabled his lifestyle. B moved to our town, in our house when mom died and we have supported him.

B likes to work around the house, split wood, powerwash the porches, etc. He is sweet and has many great qualities. I had planned on B getting a job and get on his own feet, but he got very sick and spent the past year in the hospital and in a nursing home. My husband and I spent so damn much money and time taking care of him! (B is only 41 years old, 15 years younger than me )

He is healthier now, but drinking again. None of our 3 other siblings wants to support him. He recently stole some liquor from my neighbor, and friend, and I can't deal with it anymore.I told him he could continue to live here if he agrees to a 28 day program, but he says no.

But he doesn't have any where to go. He has pissed off everyone who knows him. And now he has abused me just too often. But DO I REALLY HAVE THE GUTS TO SEND HIM TO THE HOMELESS SHELTER?
Any thoughts you have are welcome.

---

---

Answer

Hi Nina

What are the alternatives if you don't send him to the homeless shelter? Because by doing nothing you just further enable his behavior in that he continues not having to bear the consequences for his drinking and the destructive choices he makes.


You've been more than reasonable and given him a choice - rehab or out. If he's not prepared to accept that condition, well then he has to bear the consequences. Alcoholics are excellent at manipulating and getting us to feel sorry for them ... and so we avoid taking the tough decisions that even though they may seem harsh ... are in their long-term best interests.

Your brother has had it all very comfortable for such a long time - never having to take responsibility for anything and being able to continue drinking however and whenever it pleases him. If he wants to continue doing that then fine - but he has to then learn it will be at his own expense, on his time and in his own environment. It's not your responsibility to keep him in his lifestyle.

So if taking him to the homeless shelter is the last resort you're left with then unfortunately so be it. IF he wants to continue staying with you it should be on your terms - and if he's not prepared to accept those - well that's his choice. It sounds like you've done everything you can - so don't feel bad about putting him into a position where he has to start learning to live on life's terms, and not his distorted version of them.

Sometimes learning the lesson that life (or any person) doesn't owe us anything, is one of the most important lessons we'll ever learn. But at the end of the day no one can tell you what to do - only you can make that decision.

Best of Luck