A 16 Year Old Recovering From Drug and Alcohol Addiction.
I want to share some of what I have gone through in my life to show people that If I can overcome it so can you. Im not sure how many characters I'm allowed to type so I will try to keep it short.
It began when I was roughly thirteen, I started drinking and throughout the years leading to my rock-bottom, suffered from intense binge-drinking, depression and drug abuse.
Every time I would go out and drink, which was roughly every third day (and most often a few days in succession) - I would drink to the point of having very little memory of the night, puking was definitely something I was familiar with.
Not because I was inexperienced with drinking, or that my body couldn't handle large amounts of alcohol, but because I craved alcohol and would push the limits of my health every time.
I would usually start the night with twenty-four beer and my nights often included 1+ litres of hard liquor and on top of that anything else I could get. I never turned down a drink. I especially liked whiskey and tequila.
Aside from what I provided for myself, I never had trouble getting additional drinks from others around me. Nearing the end of my alcoholic phase I would often find myself waking up in surprise that the night vanished so quickly, it seemed like time just jumped and I would often wake up with dried vomit on my clothing and almost always had to piece the nights together with stories or pictures. Typically if I were to mix a drink it would turn out to be almost fifty-fifty/pop-liquor.
However, I loved taking shots and following it with beer. My drinking got to extreme levels when I found my self often drinking at school, in the mornings and throughout the day. I often went on near week-long binges of drinking from sun up to sun down.
Aside from drinking I found myself using any drug I could get my hands on, prescriptions, inhalants and other chemicals.
The reason for all of my drinking and drug abuse was because of my severe depression which I suffered from for years and never talked about.
Alcohol and drugs changed me completely, now that I'm sober for the first time in almost three years - I realise how damaged I became, physically and especially mentally.
I was on the brink of the end and was in no way fit for society, but what scares me more is how it went unnoticed by so many for so long.
Not a day passed where I didn't contemplate suicide. There was never a single day that I was truly happy to be there, I was simply going through the motions. I never wanted to wake up in the mornings and hated myself completely, inside and out.
I was underweight, unhealthy and kept myself in poor hygiene and physical fitness simply because it was easier to turn to the alcohol and the drugs for a short lived "happiness". I use that word lightly because I was never actually happy but just masked my sadness.
My grades dropped, I failed classes, skipped classes, was ridiculed by people around me, had very few friends but more enemies than I could count. I went from being liked by many to being avoided by nearly everyone.
I was actually terrified to even speak to anyone I didn't often talk to to, and NEVER once did I talk about who I actually was, or the things I actually enjoyed doing simply because I feared being rejected.
No one liked to be associated with me, but who could blame them? I was a mess, a complete wreck and didn't even care. My own family avoided me because of it. Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, My own damn birthday ... I never enjoyed any of those days and would have rather been away from everyone drinking.
I often drank alone, used drugs alone and because of it felt safer alone. From that came my anti-social lifestyle which only worsened my alcoholism.
At the time of writing this I am now 22 days sober from alcohol and drugs. My journey to recovery is no where near finished and so I still suffer with temptation to drink and use drugs everyday. Especially when alcohol is always available to me, every day of my life.
It's only feet away from me now as it sits in my kitchen. I am immensely proud that I have been sober as long as I have, still, I often think about having a drink or doing drugs and still, when faced with a difficult decision there is always an urge to turn to my addictions.
I wish I had never turned to such things in my past because I ruined what could have been a great childhood, because of drugs and alcohol I am now a drop out from high school and struggling to gain respect and trust from the people around me.
I never had any support from the people around me because deep-down I wanted to talk about it but never could, both because I was scared but because I hadn't hit rock-bottom yet and still thought I enjoyed what I was doing. That quickly changed, I'm thankful I was able to realise that I needed to save my self before it was too late. I believe that If I were to continue the way I was, I doubt I would be alive to type this right now.
Hitting "rock-bottom" is an absolutely terrifying thing and I could have just as easily ended my life at that moment instead of coming out alive.
Words simply can not describe the way I felt.
I would never want anyone, no matter who, to go through what I have.
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