25 Year Old Druggie Step-Daughter Is Ruining Our Life At Home. How Do We Kick Her Out?
(Forest Grove, OR)
My 25 year old step daughter is a renal patient so she goes to dialysis 3 days a week. She did have her Moms kidney, but it died after 10 years due to the kidney disease that she has which makes her other organs attack the kidney.
Her Mom kicked her out of her home 1 1/2 years ago due to drug abuse and being so violent when she doesn't get what she wants when she wants it so she lives with us. Her sister (28) also lives with us, but is never home, doesn't have a job, and is just waiting for her fiancée to get out of prison for possession and intent to sell cocaine.
The stepdaughter recently did a 60 day stint in jail for a parole violation so she wouldn't have to be on parole anymore vs rehab. Her mom has a guardian and a 3rd party payee for her social security funds since she blows it all on drugs. In fact she sold her car on her birthday for 1800.00, and all that money was gone in one week with nothing to show for it.
Day after jail she stole needles at dialysis, next day she was loaded on heroin. Her choice of drugs is pot(she has a medical marijuana card), heroin, xanax and any pain pill she can get. She lies and steals $ from her boyfriend who also lives with us and steals money out of her dad's pants when he's in the other room.
She's died 3 times of overdosing and was resuscitated. Still doctor shopping or calling friends and family for drug info or money. It's just non stop and I have 3 wonderful adult children who have moved out, and we can't even have the grand-kids over any more because my kids never know when the stepdaughter is going to be home or loaded.
I'm to the point where it's me or her. I've been with her dad for over 11 years and things have been wonderful until the ex-wife has kicked out her girls and they end up with us! The 25 year old has been going to rehab twice a week, but it's so close to the max station that she will go an extra 30 miles to seek drugs from friends or make doctor appts.
We've taken everything from her from money
to no use of the computer, etc., trying to stay one step in front of her but nothing is sinking in. We just keep finding packets of 10 needles for heroin (new and used). Dad just has too big of a heart to put her out in the streets and worry if she's dead or not, but her choice of life, and verbal abuse is sure ageing us let alone it's not helping our health either!
Help! Any suggestions would be appreciated! I've researched internet on enabling, parenting adult children addicted to drugs, tough love, etc. I know I need to move on to keep my sanity!
I think you're well-informed enough to answer your own question. When everything you've done to try help your step-daughter with her drug addiction has failed - it doesn't leave you any other option but to no longer allow her to live with you. Because you can't let her continue to destroy your home-life and marriage.
How do you do it - you just do. Tell her you love her, but that she can't continue to bring chaos and destruction into your home. So if she wants to continue with a life of drug addiction and all the insanity and craziness that comes with it - she's going to have to do it on her own time.
And if your husband doesn't see eye to eye with you on this - you're right, you may unfortunately have to make him choose. Because you can't continue to let her cause havoc in your lives unabated.
Unfortunately there is no perfect formula on how to handle this or how to approach things. The ideal would be to get your husband on the same page so the two of you can present a united front. Have you tried to get him to a Nar-Anon meeting at least so he can hear from other families in similar situations to yours, that the way to handle this, is not the way he's going about it?
But if nothing you do gets him to agree on the approach to use, the yes, you'll be left with no other option but to make him choose. Because your well-being and sanity are also at stake, and you've got to do whatever is necessary to ensure your step-daughter's behavior don't jeopardise that.
Best of Luck