2 Days Sober ... and Proud!
I quit drinking two days ago. My husband did not come home and find me passed out yesterday or today. In large from reading all of the stories on this site. Making me see it is possible if I made it through 48 hours.
I had this big fundraiser to go to tonight. I was dreading it. Free drinks everywhere you turned. I didn't want anyone looking at me like I was some kinda Alcoholic because I wasn't drinking. But you know what? I am an Alcoholic and I can't stop once I start. I'm tired of the blankness of of my life.
So I told myself not today. I sat at the table with a good friend of mine, who I have swallowed many a glass of wine, and she asked me if I wanted red or white. I said, neither. "Cutting back huh?", And I said, "Yes." And I looked her straight in the eye. I did not look at the floor. I felt ashamed inside, but I tried my damnedest to not let that show. I could see her face dripping with concern. Concern for me.
I didn't-- don't want people to be concerned about me. I can handle myself. Got all defensive, you know. But as I looked closer, it wasn't concern. It was compassion. She loves me. She was proud of me because she has seen me two bottles of red in.
I did not have a sip all night. I am so proud of myself. So proud. So proud that as I was walking home, gleefully, and that little voice popped in my head, like it always does, and said, "You should celebrate with a beer. Just one. Or a bottle of that cheep ass Merlot." I told that voice no. And I walked passed the CVS, I got on the train and I am ready to start day three. One day at a time.
Even as I write these words with confidence and joy, I know that day 365 seems impossible, or day 121, hell-- day 8. But I don't have to worry about those days right now. Thank all of you for your stories. You helped me get through a social situation without the booze.
Thank you so much for listening.